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Boyfriend's spoiled neice and my daughter

My boyfriend has a neice the same age as my daughter (they will both be five in a few months) and she is a spoiled brat. Her mom and grandma let her do/have whatever she wants, and she basically orders people to do stuff. Yesterday,the girls were suppost to go to a friend's sbirthday party with grandma, and the niece kept telling my daughter to give her the present we had bought. I told her no, it's for the birthday girl - it's not your party (she's smart enough to know it wasn't her birthday). I even told her father when he picked the girls up - "This is for the birthday girl". Well, guess who opened the present in the car! It was the Snow White movie - and grandma let her take the celephane off and WATCH the movie!!! I am so pissed about this! I don't make alot of money to be buying presents all the time and she was rewarded for not listening to me. I don't want to stir up a problem with boyfriend's family (cont...)

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Asked by KimSanAntonio at 10:07 AM on Dec. 13, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • (...cont) but I don't want my daughter hanging out with kids like this. She is a good girl, and knows she would get into alot of trouble if she did something like this. She doesn't understand why the niece got rewarded for being bad. I asked my boyfriend to call his mom and tell her this was wrong, and she just made excuses. They all live 5 minutes from me, and take my daughter to and from preschool everyday because I do home daycare, and don't have room in my car to pack all the kids up. I want to say something to the niece so she knows I know she disobeyed me. How do I handle this? Like I wrote, she's always like this - it isn't an isolated insodent.

    Answer by KimSanAntonio at 10:12 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • If you know the girl is like this you need to avoid problems. If you would have drove the girls and held the present there would have been no problems. I see this as your fault - not the girl's, the grandma's, the girl's mother's, or your boy friend's.

    Always try to solve problems on a personal level rather than blaming everyone else. You can't control what others do. You can only control what you do and how you react to what others do.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:19 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • i totally disagree with pp..who's the adult here in the situation that needed to be avoided..the gma!! where's there is adult supervision (supposedly), the gma should've had common sense, not to mention an average amount of decency to not let this little girl have her way with a gift that was for someone else. that's where the lesson should be, not with the OP. the OP trusted the other adult (HA!) to make sure both girls and the gift arrived intact to the bday party. OP has every right to be pissed off.
    i would've called the gma myself and told her what i thought. i would've kept it on point with the issue at hand..there's no need to bring up past indiscretions-that only makes you look immature.
    if you must, deal with the gma/neice as needed, to get done what you need to do (daycare transportation)..but be looking for other options. i wouldn't worry about your daughter; i'm sure she sees a brat as well as we do.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 10:34 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Gailll, you need a lesson in reality. These girls are not babies you can put in carseats. Sure they can be fastened in with seatbelts, but a child who will open another person's birthday present is not going to let a little thing like a seatbelt stop her. How do you propose this mother drive and fend off a child hellbent on getting some object, and keep the object safe all at the same time? She would have ended up getting a ticket if not worse. This is not her fault, it is the fault of the people who are raising this child to believe she can get away with acting like this. (And she did, didn't she?) Just try to keep the girls apart as much as possible, and use each example to teach your daughter that "WE don't act like this, it is wrong"

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Thanks ladies!!! I thought the first poster was a little off her rocker, too. Kinda scared what her kids are like!!!
    How do I address a christmas present now? Is it okay to get her a little tricket now, instead of a $20 toy like we had planned? I'm not going to forgo her present althogather (I want to tho!!!) but feel like since she practically stole this one already, she shouldn't get another big one.

    Answer by KimSanAntonio at 10:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • OMG--she got to keep the video?? oh no she (the gma) didn't!! yeah, i think i'd just tell her that it was an early xmas present, if that's how she behaves and is let to behave. come on, its just your bf's neice...not saying he isn't the REAL DEAL, but if he's just a bf, let it go..let gma buy Precious everything she wants!

    yeah, i'm pms-ing.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 10:53 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • First, I would tell her that since she STOLE someone else's birthday present, that is now her Christmas present and she gets nothing else and leave it at that. Do NOT buy her anything else. Use the money you were going to use to buy the brat a Christmas present and buy that other little girl another birthday present and bring it to her yourself.

    Second, limit your daughter's time with this child, she is a bad influence and when she is 16 and demands things that her mom and grandma can't afford, they will have to deal with her. When this little girl has no friends, then they will have to deal with it. I would also try and find someone else to take my child to preschool.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:33 AM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • hairnazi (love your screen name!) bf's my son's father, so unfortunatly im gonna have to deal with this little girl indefinatly. He asked his mother to take it away, but we all know THAT wont happen so we're going over there in a few hours to pick the movie up. i dont understand people like this, child worshipers.

    Answer by KimSanAntonio at 12:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Ugh, how did you not punch Grandma? That would eat at my last nerve! Honestly the grandma needs to know what she did was completely unacceptable. When you go to pick up the movie, explain to her that you are frustrated and what she did was wrong. If that offends her, too damn bad! What she did offended you. As for the little girl, start telling her no and whatnot. If the parent isn't going to step in when she is acting that way, you need to as the only apparent responsible adult. Or maybe your bf could do it. If they get huffy about it, explain why you did it and that you have a daughter the same age that you don't want picking up those habits. So what if it causes some hard feelings. That just proves they are all just as immature as the girl is. Also, I wouldn't get the little girl ANYTHING for Xmas and make sure you point out why to her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • i would say that is it. i would find a way for my dd to get to prek without them. i would say my dd isnt allowed that family anymore, might mean you need a new boyfriend but really it is more important who you raise your daughter around rather than having a bf right now.. they seem like the kind of people you need to keep her away from.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 8:56 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

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