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How do i get my younger son to help clean the room???

So to put the background in a nut shell, i've had DS2 longer then i've had DS1. DS1 just turned 5 and DS2 is almost 4. Before i inherited DS1, DS2 usually would clean his room by himself with very few issues.
But now that I have DS1, DS2 basically refuses to help his brother clean the room. DS1 will ask him "Please help me clean". and DS2 will say "No. I want you to do it". So DS1 DOES do it most of the time, all by himself.

I have tried making them take turns cleaning the room, i've tried having one clean half and the other clean half, i've tried staying near the bedroom the whole time they clean so that i can constantly remind DS2 to clean. And i'm trying to come up with things that will make it clear to DS2 that he can't keep doing this, but at the same time is not a punishment to DS1.

Ideas please?

 
outstandingLove

Asked by outstandingLove at 3:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • DS1 clean up all the books. DS2 put away all the stuffed animals

    We do something similar with DS. He's better about doing it on his own when he's told, now, but to get him in the habit we'd break it up into small jobs. Pick up 10 red things. Pick up 15 cars. See how many legos you can find and pick up in 60 seconds. We'd call them missions, and he had to complete all his missions to "win." For your two, have them compete - whoever finishes the most missions wins, and make it something they would both want to win.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 7:22 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • have you tried split their duites. one son does this the other one that. one could get real mad fast enough hadn't he had his room completely cleaned on the account of the simbling. there'd be something you could really have had distinguish for each and every one as him being the best in. let them feel pride, commitment and satisfaction from completeing all in a limited time frame. team work. say Sat. 10-12 you're supposed to do this and that. later we all go out or play or something else. if that's not done, the person who did not do his part stays home w/ another adult or can't do his homework or even any other things he feels are a must and you would normally insist on him doing. loos your strings at these a bit and see how that works. i'd try.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • there is not usually another adult in my home. I wish there was because that would work great! they both love out door activities. my husband is in the military and is always overseas. :(
    I've tried taking away privileges tho. TV time is a big thing here because they don't get to watch much TV so that's usually one of the first things they lose. Also certain favorite toys. etc.

    But i'll give a try at being more specific of their duties. "DS1 clean up all the books. DS2 put away all the stuffed animals". etc.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:45 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • How about a race to see who picks up fastest and time it
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:50 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • wheresthewayout
    they are already so competitive that i really try hard not to contribute to that. DS1 is almost always faster then DS2 so i don't think it would be much of a motivation for him anyways.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • make a chore list, and only one has the responsibility of cleaning the room. Personally if I ask one of my kids to do something and they don't, their is immediate consiquences. In our home we concider that direct disobediance and they will recive a spanking. If you choose not to use spanking as a discipline tool then perhaps a time out? Like if he refuses to clean the room, then he can stand with his nose to the wall till he decided to clean the room without argument?
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 4:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Thank you daughteroftruth
    I do try not to use spankings. it's more of a last resort thing. Or used for life and death situations. But ...it seems like i might be coming to my last resort. He did get a spanking today for it.

    I guess i didn't see it so much as a defiance against me as i saw it as just laziness. And a control thing between him and his new brother. But you are right, it is also disobedience.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 5:22 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Because it is direct disobediance, a control issue between you and his brother, I would make cleaning the room DS2 sole responsibility for the day and I would sit there in the room and give commands the whole time. The minute he drags, time out: hold up the wall, or hold up his arms and legs for timed minutes and then begin again. I would continue this routine until I felt satisfied with how long and how well he cleaned, without reprimands. Also, an unexpected bonus will hopefully be that he learns to better appreciate the assistance his brother gives. I'd start DS1 on another chore: like cleaning the bathroom, living room, etc. Consider getting a chore calendar and put stars on it for rewards. So many stars get a prize.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 6:18 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • We do a chore chart. They get stickers and after X number of stickers they get a dollar in their money jar. And they each have separate charts.
    but that's a good idea. i don't know why i didn't think of that before. Make him do it himself.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 6:27 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

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