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My best friend is going to get bariatric surgery. What can I do?

She is one of my best friends. She is currently very heavy. She use to be a cheerleader and in the military. Very pretty. Over the last couple years she has dealt with postpartum depression and with the fact her husband has cheated twice!
I feel like she wants to be skinny so she won't lose her husband. I think she should kick him to the curb and then get skinny!! If she goes through with this procedure and then he continues to cheat she will end up horribly depressed! Should I say anything or just let her do it!!! You should not get surgery to keep a man!

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Asked by oliviahank at 6:29 PM on Dec. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 8 (261 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • From my understanding-and my FIL has been looking into having the surgery done-there is extensive drs visits and nutritionist visits and psychologist appts before going forward. My FIL was told it can take up to a year to get the surgery after your drs have decided you are fit. You have to pass many psych test and see a nutritionist to get to a certain weight on your own first. Unfortunatly bc of all of that my FIL has decided to "wait" even though his health is getting worse. I am sure that if she is only doing this "to keep her man" a dr will figure it out and take appropriate actions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • you certainly know her better than anyone here. however, if she's large enough for a certified bariatric surgeon to ok the procedure, she's gonna do it..and once she's feeling confident again, she will kick him to the curb. maybe. what she does with her dh is her business..what you can do is support her in a health-conscious way, and be ok with the surgery. lots of people are doing it now..its kinda like breast enhancement..but in a need-to-get healthy kind of way. she's gonna do what she wants to do, whether she gets skinny and keeps him or not. you just need to be her friend, no matter what. both are her decisions to make.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 6:36 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • I am on the waiting list for the surgery and it's due to health reasons, not to keep a man. (he doesn't care if I'm 60 or 600 lbs)
    Here in BC Canada you have to fit a certain criteria to have surgery and its not just *because you want to*
    You also have to mental health assessent.

    Talk to her as a friend to see if that's the *only* reason she want's to get the surgery, or if it is due to health reasons etc
    Also join support groups and educate yourself on the procedure and what it's all about. is a great site!

    It's wonderful that she has a friend who cares so much :P

    Answer by mrsvixen at 6:38 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • I had the surgery. You must have a psychiatric evaluation before you get the surgery. If they dont see her fit to have the surgery she will be declined. Besides that I would tell her he isnt worth it. Losing the weight was the best thing I ever did, but it wasnt for a man it was for me! and so should it be for her...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Maybe you could just support her and just tell her you are concerned and want to make sure she is doing it for her and noone else. And that you love her no matter what.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • I guess I will just be supportive. She has already been approved for surgery. I will just be her rock.Thanks ladies!

    Answer by oliviahank at 7:39 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • If she wants to get healthy and lose weight she should change her diet and exercise. Everyone I know who has undergone bariatric surgery has gained all the weight back eventually. The surgery is dangerous and does not fix why she overeats. I would encourage her to speak to a therapist and a nutritionist and get real help. Her husband is a douche and she needs to forget about him and fix herself for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

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