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how would you feel

I've told dh that I can't stand this girl. Now he texts her behind my back. I've gotten to the point I don't even ask about her cause I get so jealous and it comes between us. Its nothing sexual. They are friends and talk about her and problems so far as I know. He says he doesn't like her but if that's true why is he talking to her? What do you think? He's never tried to hide the fact that they talk and he's only stopped telling me when they talk because I told him I really don't care nor do I want to know. The only reason I know they still talk is cause his phone buzzes like crazy and she's the only one who texts him more than 5 messages at a time. I still get jealous and don't know what to do!!!!

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mom06and09

Asked by mom06and09 at 11:15 PM on Dec. 13, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (23)
  • he's cheating with her & has no respect for you at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Do you really believe this? I think he's cheating.
    mommorgan

    Answer by mommorgan at 11:17 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • What is she writing in her texts? Is he your husband?
    MLM0503

    Answer by MLM0503 at 11:20 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • I don't necessarily think that he's cheating on you.
    However, i think if she's trying to communicate with him that much then her intentions are probably not good ones.
    Have you talked to her?
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 11:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • IMO it shows a total disrespect for you and your marriage! I would tell him either end the texting or there will be consequences. That's not fair to you, and you shouldn't let it happen. Yes people can have friends of the opposite sex but there are boundaries when you're married, and he's crossed it! Remember we teach people how to treat us so quit letting him treat you this way! GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Why in the world would you allow your husband to continue doing something that upsets you this much? Where are his priorities? Who is his priority, is alleged friend or you, his wife?

    Tell him, it is obsessive, this has to stop, if he doesn't even like her, why the hell would he be talking to her and aggravating you for no reason? Either he is lying to you or there is something else going on. I would simply say, enough is enough is either your alleged friendship or me. This is absurd. There is more to the story and I think you need to face the facts. He (your husband) cares more about a friendship than about your feelings. How is that okay?
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 11:33 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • She's a problem in your marriage. Either he's cheating with her, or he's thinking of it, or he really wants nothing to do with it, but he doesn't want to be the bad, heartless guy who won't even be a friend sort of thing, and she's playing on that.

    But, the thing is, you're also contributing to the problem here, because you've said you don't care and that you don't want to know. You need to tell him outright that you love him and trust him, but you think that she's taking advantage of him and is maybe becoming more dependent on him than he should be, and that she might have feelings for him, and that maybe she needs more help than he can give (professional help...) Then, ask him, for the sake of your peace of mind and your marriage, if he would please tell her she needs to find someone else to talk to.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:38 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • We aren't married on paper cause we can't afford it right now but yes we are married at heart if that makes sence. I know he's not cheating and do truely trust him (he "broke up" with his best friend because he cheated on his wife. Its the fact that this chick makes guys fall for her, leave their wives (sometimes after cheating) then she leaves them. Why would he WANT to talk with her is my biggest question. I don't know why I get so jealous but boy do I ever!!!
    mom06and09

    Answer by mom06and09 at 11:41 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • cont

    Nicely explain that every time he refuses to reject her need to dump her problems on him then he's saying "no" to your feelings, and would he really be comfortable with, say, you having the same sort of friendship with another guy, or if you were talking about this problem with him talking to her with another guy all the time?

    Then, suggest that if he really feels that she needs a friend, that next time she wants to talk, that he meet her in person - with YOU going along, too - so that he doesn't have to turn his back on her completely, but that she will see that the two of you are together, and besides, maybe another woman's point of view could be good for her to hear... (Then, every time she talks to him, tries to text him, etc - you be right there, too, answering, participating, etc.)

    If he's not ok with this, then you have a problem. If he is ok with it, she'll get the message soon enough and move on.

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:41 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

  • Really. Why in hell do you think you have to be okay with it? Not talking about it because it pisses you off too much? He'd be facing my wrath about that one. Don't kid yourself, your man is being dishonest and you need to stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself and your marriage. He may not have done anything yet, but it is inevitable. I'd get her # and call her as well, and ask her to stop talking to your husband. Grow some, woman!!! and hugs to ya!
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:42 PM on Dec. 13, 2009

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