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please help with daughter being ostersized at school

Hi, I am at my wit's end with what to say to help my daughter. She feels that no one likes her at school. She is in 2nd grade. From kindergarten until the middle of 1st grade, she was bullied by a boy. That made her self conscous and a bit hyper/nervous. Now, the other girls won't ask her to play, let her play, or invite her to play dates or parties. There is one girl who is considered 'Miss Popular' (at 2nd grade), who tells everyone that she won't be friends with them if they are friends with my daughter. I tried to talk to her parents, but they say that their daughter can handle herself and they won't get involved. I don't know what to do. My daughter cries and cries about not having friends. We have extended invitations, but no one accepts. I know alot of the parents don't like me because I raised such a ruccos about my daughter being bullied. I need some comforting words for my daughter. She needs to know that she is ok.

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over-it

Asked by over-it at 5:59 AM on Dec. 14, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • My dd went through the same thing with the girls at the same grade as your dd. She wanted to relocate schools she felt so misplaced there. I told her that running was not the answer and that she will have these types of issues despite the school she attends. I told her that friends come and go but TRUE friends last a life time. I also informed her that these girls not wanting to be her friend was not because of her or anything she did but possibly due to their own interpersonal issues. By the middle of 3rd grade she began to know herself and gained friends along the way, and is more adjusted but still wants to leave the school occasionally
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 7:34 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Interesting. The bullying did not go away, it simply changed forms. And that is not ok. You are your daughter's only advocate. Stand up for and with her. It pisses me off that parents feel a child that young is capable of defending themselves and the adults do nothing to stop it. Look into homeschooling. Or let her be bullied from the young little bitches at school.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • The other girl's parents sound like jerks, I would be so curious to hear their perspective on this. I don't know what to say.....honestly, it sounds like you have tried everything. Have you talked to the counselor at school? At my son's school they have lunchtime groups for kids on various topics like divorce, bullying, making friends, etc. I would suggest counseling for you and your daughter. This is a very difficult situation. I think it is serious....and it couldn't hurt to get some help.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:30 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • you should try putting her in girl scouts and some after school stuff or weekend stuff. it's a good way for her to make friends. eventually this will all pass, hopefully it's not too terribly small of a school or you could try a private school, most only cost about 3000 a year so you can pay for it with your taxes. private schools usually have more rules about this sort of thing, and i would for sure talk to the teachers and the principal about your daughter's emotions in the matter, maybe some counseling at an early age can help her with it too.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:56 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • My son had to deal with a situation somewhat of this nature last year in the kindergarten. I did go to the school and spoke wth the principal and a teachers. My son was terrified to go to school. He started acting out by screaming and hollering when it was time to go to school. When it was Sunday night he would just cry and cry and make up excuses that his stomach and head hurt because he did not want to go back there. I have sent my son to counseling at my expense and this school year has been so much better. Its like my son is a totally different kid. He loves to go to school now and the bully i s no longer there so tyhats a good thing. You may need to try counseling.
    THATSMYMOMMA

    Answer by THATSMYMOMMA at 11:07 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I agree get her involved in scouts, or karate or soccer where she'll be around other kids hopefully not from her school. Call and talk with the guidance counselor.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:52 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Thank you all for your input. My daughter is in girl scouts & gymnastics. Unfortunetly, the 'other' girl also joined girl scouts. I have talked to the teacher, principle & counselor. My daughter has gone to counselling since the physical bullying started showing real deep signs of scars. The other's parents & principle respond with "the 'other' girl will handle things" & the other girl's parents "refuse to get involved with petty nonsense". The principle is convinced that it will pass. It started last year & is not passing. Whenever the teacher encourages them all to play nice together at recess to earn a class party, the 'other' girl makes it clear that no one wants to allow my daughter to play & it's only because they have to let her play to get the party. The other parents say hello to every child by name except mine. Even if the other girl never says anything else, the rules are already set. No playing or talking to her!
    over-it

    Answer by over-it at 10:25 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would (and did) do several things; first become a volunteer at the school, help in library, classroom, or playground helper, the school can not keep you from helping or at least being there. I would drop girl scouts unless the leader is protecting your daughter and the other girls. I would insist the leader address the issue of bullying and all the girls earn the patch to help with this, also volunteer as a helper in girl scouts. To replace the girl scouts if needed enrolll her in a self-defense course and or karate course. They will not teach her to be a bully but will build her selfworth to stand up for herself and that way she will gain respect and awe from her peers. Find her a friend from another class, the next class up would be good, invite the girl over to make cookies or some other " busy" activity, this gains a friend for your daughter and a older ally at school. Finally I would do all I could to make your, cont.
    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 1:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • cont. house the "place to be" Have after school plans everyday, invite the friend from the other class and invite one or two from both grades each day. As finances allow rent, beg, or borrow a Wii or X-box and games have snacks and drinks, another day board games and food. In your area you could have a snow festival; sledding, snowball fights, other winter games and activities. After your house is "the house" slow down to one day afterschool and one weekend day for the fun. I would caution you to enlist a second adult to be with you both for crowd control and for your own safety from accusations. Good luck this will pass and your daughter will be stronger, God bless you and her.

    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 2:00 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Thank you all so much for your input. You don't know how helpful it was for me to have a place to reach out to and actually get a response. My daughter's father has never had a response to anything in his life. He likes to just keep his life and responsibilities simple and not be bothered. So Thank You everyone!! I, once again, spoke to the teacher and school counselor about this. I explained to them that I am exhausted and am advising my daughter to lash back at this girl in attempt to straighten her out. I have given her some wording to use. No more turning the other cheek, crying, being the underdog, etc. "Stand up and fight for what's right" is now my advise. Some might disagree, but I feel my daughter needs to toughen up and empower herself in order to survive.
    over-it

    Answer by over-it at 6:10 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

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