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Do you make an attempt to be nice to your inlaws?

I find it very saddening that so many of you don't like your inlaws almost as if you choose to not like them. I am not asking if you love them. But most of you knew what you were getting into.
Do you understand that as you age and your inlaws age that someone will need to care for them and when you age you will need your kids to care for you?

Do you not understand that what we give we will receive?

Old people deserve respect for the simple reason that they have lived longer. They have life experiences that have made them the way they are. If you try to understand that then maybe you will get along better. Some people you will never be able to respect, or like. But at least try. For your own sake.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 AM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • I attempt to include them in our lives. They don't make it at all easy, but I do try. I sleep easy at night, knowing that I have done my very best, as a human being, and having limited amounts of patience.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • LOVE my inlaws! But, they are also great inlaws. They keep their distance, but are more than available when we need them & vice versa. They show us nothing but love & respect, i love both of them SO MUCH! I've never felt so welcome in a family!

    Now, my EX inlaws are a different story. My ex mother in law was constatnly in cpmpetition with me. She was EXACTLY like the mother in law from that movie "Monster In Law". She was always telling me everything she thought i was doing wrong, she was always up my butt & up ex husbands butt. She would tell people at my DD school that DD LIVED with her (not kidding) Yeah, she would spend a night there here & there, but that was all. In other words, this lady was a complete control freak & made my life horrible, & i did not know what i was gettin into because she was so nice IN THE BEGINNING. She let her true colors show after a while....

    So, it does depend on the in law...

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:09 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I don't disrespect my ILs. Let me go through the list... they have never accepted me because of my race and culture. They tried to set my dh up with 'nice Indian girls' while we were engaged. They wouldn't speak to us for several months when we were planning our wedding because dh would not listen to their list of reasons why he should not marry me. Then they were hostile to me for years because they didn't get input into the wedding that we planned while they were not speaking to me. They told me that my miscarriage was my fault. They were disappointed when my son was born because he "looked so white" and had blue eyes. They suggested to dh that maybe our son was not his. They were disappointed when our next child was a girl. With our third child, they pressured dh to leave me to deliver alone so he could attend a wedding in India. When he said no, they didn't speak to us for months again. I could go on and on...

    Answer by Freela at 9:23 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Con't. Nonetheless, I continue to invite them to any and all things pertaining to my children (they come to about half of them.) I continue to visit them when they call and ask us to visit. I remind dh to call on b-days and Christmas. I am NOT going to be the one that keeps my kids from having a relationship with them, and I am not going to put my dh in a position where he has to choose between us and them. Maybe I should have known what I was getting into before I married dh- but I was young, and I was in love, and I thought that they would come around. I couldn't believe they would be biased against me for life mainly because of my ethnicity. Nonetheless, I am glad I married my dh, I love our family together, and I will continue to make my home open to the ILs because it's the right thing. Not everyone who doesn't like ILs is petty and bitchy. Some of us are nice in spite of plenty of hurt and disrespect.

    Answer by Freela at 9:27 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • like pp, my in laws have done some heinous things... at the top of the list would have to be helping my ex to abduct my child when we separated, and harboring him for months on end (i did not see my dh until 4 1/2 months later when the police took him into protective custody, and i was phoned at midnight to pick him up- over 120 miles away).

    i continually call and invite them to family gatherings, or just to swing by- so they can see their grandchildren. they simply have no interest... i refuse to drive a wedge between the children and the other half of their family.
    their great grandparents are amazing people, and are ALWAYS welcome in my home, are like grandparents to me... and after the divorce have severed contact with their grandson for what he did to us. family is a strange thing in deed, whether you marry into it, or are birthed into it. you're all stuck together, and just need to get along- even when it isn't easy.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 9:37 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • My inlaws are OK. I know they don't agree with me and DH bieng together because DIL has race issues and MIL is just going with the flow but I'm always nice to them and I would never treat them bad because of it. Me and DH are happy and have been for years so theyll eventually come around. Either way I;ll always do what I can for them because theyre my family no matter what :)

    Answer by Shyma at 9:41 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • My in-laws were good respectable people. The few times they gave me a hard time my DH stood up for me. They accepted my daughter as part of the family. I can truly say I loved my FIL and was deeply saddened when he passed away. My MIL had a number of emotional issues the biggest of which was the need to be the center of attention. So much so that she set her 4 children up in a competition with each other for her love. Since she has passed away the family has truly fallen apart. What would you expect when they have been competing against each other for decades. I guess I loved my MIL, but I didn't respect her. and I never want to be like her. I hope my kids have learned by watching this mess.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Old people deserve respect for the simple reason that they have lived longer. They have life experiences that have made them the way they are.

    I'm sorry I don't agree with just because you managed to live long enough you are then able to treat people any way you like & they have to suck it up & deal because they deserve respect just for living that long!! You earn respect; not age into it.

    I have & continue to make efforts to be at least cordial with my MIL & SIL; they however have no sense of common courtesy. They will ask me a specific question; how is the job hunt going; how is your mom doing etc...the moment I start to reply they turn & begin to speak to someone else!! I'm sorry but I find that incredibly rude. I've mentioned it to DH; he says that's how they are. Ok fine well how I am is next time they do that I'll be done talking for the day. They also ignore anything I say re: the kids;


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • cont'd

    I catch them letting my 3 yr old eat gravy out of a bowl by the spoonful as if it's pudding and when I start to twitch and try to convince her that's not how we eat gravy; MIL says "Oh it's ok she likes it; it's good isn't it honey" - Ok well that may be why you and your daughter are 100+lbs overweight. Eating gravy from a bowl by the spoonful is NOT ok; I'm the MOM. Please don't try to tell me what is best for my kid!!!

    These are only small examples; I could be here all day.

    So to the OP it isn't that I haven't tried; it's that sometimes In-Laws make things impossible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Of course, but when you've been in the family for over a decade and never felt welcome, then why continue to try? Yes, MIL will get old, but she's already made it clear that she doesn't want any of us taking care of her. She clearly prefers her daughter's kids over her son's. I'm not going to beat my head against a wall.

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:12 AM on Dec. 14, 2009