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How often is reasonable to see your mother-in-law?

I know some people's in-laws live out of state or far away. My MIL is about 40 minutes away but she wants to come over 1-3 times a week. She is very nice but I don't want to see ANY family members that often (including my own). My husband thinks its great and would never understand how I feel. I feel so resentful to her. She wants to spend so much time with my kids and always buy them things and spoil them. I feel like a mean person but she irritates me so much. I just don't want to see her that often. Am I totally selfish?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • At once a week, I think she's being reasonable enough and you may want to cope for your children and husband. At three times a week, she's over every other day, and I don't want to see anyone I didn't choose to bring into this house that often. I chose to spend the rest of my life with DH, I chose to become a mother... but the in-laws and out-laws were just extras, and they really shouldn't visit that often.

    Answer by tyheamma at 3:53 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • My MIL lives 30 minutes away and I see her every day. And if she doesn't visit, we try to visit. She loves my daughters VERY MUCH and she DOES spoil them but, hey, that's what grandparents are for.
    My daughters love her and I love the fact that we all have such a good relationship.

    Answer by lovemytwinsters at 3:33 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • While I understand not wanting to see her because i feel very much that way about mine, I think your lucky she takes an interest in your kids, mine is too self serving to care much about any of her grandkids (she has 8 total). no calls no presents no quality time spent with them. My kids call her the ungrandma lol. My mom lives out of state but is active with phone calls and knowing what is going on in their lives my In-laws have no clue and dont seem to care.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 3:33 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Sounds like she is doing what most grandparents do which is spoil their grandchildren and spend time with them, I think 3 times a week is a bit much but maybe you could compromise to 1 time a week and let that be your day to pamper yourself...if you trust her with your children.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 3:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Let your DH go over their with the kids with out you then. When my kids where you I was more then willing to let any family member buy my kids things. That's more money in my pocket.

     I think once a month is good. I would tell her if she want to see the grand kids more she can come over to your house.


    Answer by louise2 at 3:38 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I think that it wonderful. You know some of us don't look at the big picture. Our childrens grandparents aren't going to be around forever. And the time that your children have with their grandparents is going to be something they carry on with them. Maybe if you don't like being around her that much, you can take the time when she visits to go run errands for yourself and family. Then she can have one on one time with the kids and then your time with her is shortened. Also let your kids be spoiled by her, just make sure they understand the difference, she is grandma and you are mom and they must earn things from you..... :) Hope it gets better.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 3:40 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I never understood things like that. I grew up with only seeing the grandparents maybe 4-5 times a year at the most. My son doesn't even know his grandparents since we live halfway across the world at the moment. I can't stand spoiled children. I guess I don't want my kid walking all over me because his grandparents let him do whatever whenever, on the other hand I don't want his grandparents PARENTING him either, thats my job. If my parents were to be around too much I'd tell them politely I need some space.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Three times a week is a lot to expect! You have every right to feel your free time is disrupted. Mother in laws usually do not have much of a life of thier own. Their kids have moved on. So of course three times a week to them does not seem like much at all. So look as her from her shoes. But the problem is, she is not looking at her from YOUR shoes. You have a busy life with kids. I am sure your husband and yourself are either working or taking care of a full time at home job and you savor any time together as a family. Here is a suggestion: Why not plan out your week with your husband a head of time. Example: mon - friday work, dinner homework, bath time. Sat day dinner with in laws. Sunday day to unwind with just the family. OR Friday night a night out and the inlaws can watch the kids. And then call your inlaw and say this week is busy but we would to have you over for dinner this Sat.

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 3:46 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • why the hostility? Otherwise you will not last if you are so against your mil.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I think once a week is decent(like make it a Sunday family dinner type thing so you are always prepared LOL).

    If they dont live close then it depends on how far away. My MIL is deceased but thats what I would be ok with if she were still alive and lived nearby.


    Answer by Amaranth361 at 4:44 PM on Dec. 14, 2009