Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why is porn so bad?

I am asking this because I am not able to put it into words.
I found out a few days ago that my husband watches porn, alot. Our computer crashed and I had to fix it. I found out that my husband has been watching porn everyday at least once. He has been deleting the history so I wouldn't find out.
I am devastated by this. I had no idea. I am so hurt, I cannot stop crying. I feel so betrayed and insecure now. I don't feel like I can trust him. It now seems to me that if he can do this and hide it from me for so long than him cheating on me is possible too. We have discussed porn before. He knows my stance on it (he knew it before we got married), and he told me over and over that he doesn't watch it. He even went as far to say he doesn't understand what the big deal it, that it is more disgusting and pathetic than anything else.
When I confronted him about it he said he didn't understand what the big deal was.
cont

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • Porn is bad because it tears at the intimate part of a marriage. The intimate nature of a marriage is what makes a marriage different than just being roommates. Tell him that knowing he's watching these perverted images makes you uncomfortable with the idea of being intimate with him...that you don't know what he expects from you in bed any more, that you don't know what he's thinking about when he's intimate with you.

    The other reason porn is bad is that sneaking it like he did causes you to lose all trust in him. By watching it secretly and pretending to you that he was not interested in porn, it was like he was living a double life. That makes you think what else is he being dishonest about? Is he really at work when he says he is? Does he have friends and another life you don't know about? Breaking trust like this in a marriage makes you rethink everything he says or does.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:10 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • cont
    I am unable to put my feelings into a logical reason about why it is so bad and why I feel so betrayed. I am looking for help for that reason.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Thats why it's so bad, Because of how it's made you feel. I would so feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I'm so sorry
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I dont think its bad. Some of it out there is a little creepy, but me and my dh watch it together sometimes. Maybe you should try that, never know, you might learn you like it. I used to think it was gross too. Maybe youre husband doesnt tell you because he knows you dont like it. And he just agrees with tou so you dont argue. If I were you, I would give it a try :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I don't think it would've hurt you so much if he did it openly.
    SandraB383

    Answer by SandraB383 at 4:00 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Lets try: you feel betrayed because the man that is suppose to love you is getting his rocks off by looking at other women. He was not truthful so therefore you have lost trust in him, you feel you can not compete with what the women do in porn so you feel insecure, you feel less attractive compared to their tiny waist, big boobs and long blonde hair. You feel that he should be looking at you that way and not them and you feel he should be showing you the attention because you are there and you love him. These are just some of what I went through, you will get alot of mixed feeling on this topic, some think all men do it or it is harmless or it is cheating. No matter what is said, the only thing that is important is what YOU feel. If you need support and help or a place to vent with women that understand there are several group on here for porn addicted hubby's..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • James 1:14-15

    14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.


    Matthew 5:28 (New King James Version)

    28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


    Colossians 3:5
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • sorry clicked too soon. if he would listen to words of the bible, you can show him these scriptures.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Actually, I disagree with Sandra. I tried that with my LH. Turns out he had what was ours together and what he hid from me. I tried to go with the flow, but in then end, I feel it to be cheating. I understand men are visual creatures and they are capable of separating love and sex and to them it's just a picture. Regardless of whether or not he can understand WHY you feel the way you do, it should be enough to understand that you FEEL the way you and to love you enough to not inflict that kind of emotional pain and discomfort on you. I often wished he was cheating on me with a real woman, which he did too, because then I felt like I had someone to confront and compete with. Porn is so gratifying, she never talks back, never demands you take a shower, she's ready when you are and she'll do absolutly ANYTHING he wants. I've been there, done that, don't want the t-shirt I got, lol. I don't want it in my life at all.
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 4:06 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I dont think its bad. Some of it out there is a little creepy, but me and my dh watch it together sometimes. Maybe you should try that, never know, you might learn you like it. I used to think it was gross too. Maybe youre husband doesnt tell you because he knows you dont like it. And he just agrees with tou so you dont argue. If I were you, I would give it a try :)



    nice advise, shes hurt, why would she want to get into something so perverse?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN