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my daughter has been living w/ a family off and on for 10 years

- the family she is w/ got attached to her and took off everytime i found them for her to come home.....i found her again and want her to come home where she was suppose to be along time ago. she went for a temporary situation ..i was very young when ihad her and when it was time for her to come home they would run w/her....and lose contact.....i want her to come home and thinking of keeping her this time and not taking her back to their house. there are no custody papers involved and i want to know if there is a legal loop hole that would prevent me from doing that.

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Asked by missingherchild at 7:13 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (18)
  • If there have been no legal papers involved in this whole arrangment, then the people who have your daughter have her illegally--and you need to enlist the help of the police or a family lawyer!

    That said, if it's been 10 years, don't you think taking your daughter out of a stable situation, including taking her out of school, and away from the people she calls her family and friends, would be disruptive, and cause a lot of stress and heartache for your daughter--who should be the ONLY person whose feelings matter at this point!

    If I were you, I would try and make a LEGAL arrangement where you could have supervised visits with your daughter to start. THEN you could discuss how to proceed from there. Why do you want to take her away from the family she knows and loves? Why can you not continue to "share" in her life?

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:21 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • No legal papers that you know of...How do you know they did not report her as abandoned and run an add int he paper with her info to make it legal... Have you talked to these people... And you say 'thinking of keeping her this time and not taking her back to their house.' How many times have you picked her up only to drop her off again... I wouldn't trust you either. Sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You should have pursued this the first time they took off with your daughter, called the police tried to have done something. If there is no legal paper work, then the child would have been placed with you. Why didn't you try immediately to get your daughter back? Regardless if you lost contact do you have anything to prove that you were actively seeking your daughter? You really need to think about how your daughter feels being ripped a part from the only family she has known now for 10 years. I agree with the other response try and talk to the family or get some legal advice on how to go about seeing your daughter and work from there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Wow-how sad. Why not try to seek contact for the sake of contact. Get to know this family and your child before suggesting she leave them to go home with you. I would definitely seek out a good family lawyer.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:12 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • '.i want her to come home and thinking of keeping her this time and not taking her back to their house.'
    She's a child not a puppy. You can't keep taking her back and then when it doesn't work out return her until you think you might be ready to try again. I feel so so bad for this girl. I hope things work out for her benefit. Every child deserves to know there mother but not at the expense of her feelings. Why not just be satisfied to have cordial contact? Could you imagine being ripped awayf rom the family you have always had out of no where to live with a stranger. How terrifying. Make contact but please think of her feelings to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I wonder why you are posting in the adoption section. She's not adopted, correct? You say they moved every time you found them, so you haven't been in and out of her life, they just keep running away. Sounds like abduction to me, I wouldn't want my child living with kidnappers that keep running either. Why haven't you called the police?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • It seems to me that you may be missing her because it's the holidays. It's natural to wonder how she's been doing if you haven't had a lot of contact over the years. You don't say whether or not the family your daughter is with is related to her or not. Something's missing. Have you been banned from contact with her? Is there a reason why they don't believe that you are a positive person in her life? If not, then maybe you could write or call them asking to talk to her on the phone if she's willing, and maybe they can tell you that she's doing OK. If there's a reason that her being with them is a good thing, then be careful how you approach them. If she's a tween/teen, she's at a very pivotal point in her life. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of loss and regret. We all have things in our pasts that we'd like to change. I wonder how your child feels in all this? Is she safe where she is now, or do you have concerns?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:21 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • (con't) In the end, you need to do what you feel is right for her. Maybe you could contact an attorney and see what your legal rights are. Maybe there is a way to get visitation at least. She'd most likely need counseling at some point very early on, so you may need to look at that if you are able to regain physical custody of her. I'm sorry that you are hurting, and wish you the best. Welcome to CafeMom.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:27 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Ten years, huh? If you truly wanted her back you would have made it happen ten years ago. I am going through this with a birthmom of my kids, she only wants them when it is convenant for her. Do you realize how much you stress you put on them when you do this? You want her, go to court and get it legal. But if you want her for the sake to want her, don't be selffish!!! I am sorry, but that is how I feel.

    Answer by mommyaunt412 at 2:59 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I don't buy this at all. You have not called the police and had them arrested for kidnapping? I think they got her fair and square and you are bitter they are better for her than you are. I would let her be with her family that has raised her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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