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My Husband Lied To Me About Smoking...

I am just trying to figure out WHY. We were both smokers before kids, and I quit forever ago. It wasn't hard for me just willpower. He made a commitment in March. I knew he would smoke here and there and he struggled, but for several months, he has been telling me he hasn't smoked. If he did, he said he caved and had 1. He goes away for work for several days at a time so I know he would bum one once in a while. It's a HUGE issue for me so I told him that if he did smoke just be honest. Well, recently, we had to all ride in his car because mine isn't running well, and there were TONS of empty packs...they were diff brands so when he said it was coworkers I almost believed him. Finally he confessed that he had been smoking, its stress, blah blah. I AM SO HURT about him lying and I can't seem to get him to understand why. If you have been on either side of the fence...do you have ANY advice??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I'm the smoker in this relationship. I have tried to quit so many times. I made it for eight months once. I dunno...it's hard for me. I don't lie about it to hubby though when I have slipped up. I just admit right away cuz I feel so bad about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Not much you can do. You can't "punish" him, he's not a child. It's his choice. All you can do is let him know that you are disappointed that he lied to you and ask him WHY he felt the need to lie. Thats about all you can do
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 8:24 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Mine smokes like a freight train. I get the excuses about stress, all his coworkers do it, etc. I even get the lies. It disappoints, angers and frustrates me. Or it did until I just finally accepted that he is going to do it until he decides to quit and that is not likely to happen. I'm long past being upset anymore that he is damaging his health. What bothers me is I have to tell him repeatedly not to smoke around us even in the car with the windows down and that he can't grasp that we don't have the money for the habit, which is $40.00 or more a week.

    I know what you're saying about the lying too. You are not going to get a satisfactory answer. He feels like it's okay to lie and will keep it up. I'm sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • He's not a child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • "He's not a child."

    Just wondered why it seems like I am treating him like one if we made a commitment together to keep our family and our house smoke-free and he didn't keep up his end of the deal, then LIED? The issue is the lie, not the smoking. I get that its hard, but I asked for honesty and didn't get it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • He probably lied because he didn't want to let you down. He already let himself down when he was unable to quit completely. My husband is a smoker, I am not. I want him to quit for his health, but it is an addiction and it is so hard for him to quit. One day he will do it, but not because I nag him to death over it, but because he will be ready. I know how it feels to be lied to, but I think in this instance you just need to talk it about it and then move on. I'm sure he must already feel like a failure because he can't quit and he lied to you about it. Let him know how it made you feel to be lied to, but don't make him feel worse than he already does.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 6:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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