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I am freaking out and need reassurement...please be nice to me...

I was in an abusive relationship when i became pregnant but unfortunately the police were never involved. I got out of the relationship a little after i found out i was pregnant. I told the guy it wasn't his which wasn't hard for him to believe for he thought i was sleeping with every guy i talked to...well a year after the baby i moved 5 states away. since then he has been spreading rumors that he has only seen "his boy" 5 times in over a year, which the only sight of him he has had was my son's 20 week ultrasound...anyways his name is not on the birthcertificate. Now he has started saying that he made arragements to see his son and i fled with my son. and that when he gets the money he will come look for us. I am SO scared of him coming after us! I am scared the courts will let him back into our lives..and now with us living states away idk what will happen. he is a compulsive lier, and he had raped me several times...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • My guess is it'sjust talk. He wants to look like a concerned parent in front of whoever. First off, he needs to take you to court and establish paternity before he can do anything. I would just stick with the story that it's not his kid to anyone that asks. If he really was abusive, I believe it is in yours and your sons best interest to keep him away. If he does take you to court, he will have to pay child support and thats honestly enough to stop many men. Custody isn't an automatic either, generally you'd have to hire a lawyer to get a visitation schedule. If he does hire one, get the very best female attorney and tell her everything. Hopefully you have some proof or witnesses to his abuse, you may even be able to find a group that helps victims of domestic abuse to help you cover your legal fees.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • A rape can be reported at any time, it is violence no matter how long ago it happened. Call Legal Aid, A Women's Shelter to help prove what you've said and also to get help in proving that this baby is or isn't his. I'm sorry for what you went through and for your worries now.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:05 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You can get a protective order. Temporary protective orders are issued for 12 months on "preponderance of the evidence." That means the judge will listen to both sides of you story (if he shows up) and choose who sounds like they are telling the truth. Even if you don't have photo evidence. If he has contacted you or made contact through another person, then a judge will hear your case.

    Contact your local women's center. There are lawyers who often work for free in cases like this. I didn't qualify at the time for a free lawyer when I got my protective order against my ex husband. It cost $500. He lied on the stand under oath and said horrible things about me. The judge said in the ruling "Sir, you are just not credible." He even had some super powerful lawyer! The judge will know what the truth is.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 9:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • How are you hearing all these things he says and who told him about the child? It would cost him about $500 for the DNA test plus the cost of an attorney and court costs to take it to court. Then he'd have to find you and that would cost another large chunk of money (airfares are crazy and gas isnt cheap) but to be safe call your local domestic violence shelter and have a back up plan just in case he does come into a lot of money.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:14 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

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