Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I am desperate...i need advice..no bashing...don't know where to post this...

I was in an abusive relationship when i became pregnant but unfortunately the police were never involved. I got out of the relationship a little after i found out i was pregnant. I told the guy it wasn't his which wasn't hard for him to believe for he thought i was sleeping with every guy i talked to...well a year after the baby i moved 5 states away. since then he has been spreading rumors that he has only seen "his boy" 5 times in over a year, which the only sight of him he has had was my son's 20 week ultrasound...anyways his name is not on the birthcertificate. Now he has started saying that he made arragements to see his son and i fled with my son. and that when he gets the money he will come look for us. I am SO scared of him coming after us! I am scared the courts will let him back into our lives..and now with us living states away idk what will happen. he is a compulsive lier, and he had raped me several times...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You definately need to get legal advice. I will say that in my state, if you were never married, he has absolutly no rites to the child. He would have to file a petition to have a DNA test done. If he is the father, he would HAVE to pay child support and would get visitation, which, if he hasn't even met the child, would be supervised for a while. The less he sees the child, the more child support he'd be forced to pay. He also my be required to provide medical/dental insurance. If he is in violation of the court order, like not paying child support, he'll be put in jail and his wages garnished. This is just in my state, which is TN. I know because I just went through all of this with my ex. Anyway, in my opinion, you don't have anything to worry about. If this guy is as much of a losser as he sounds, he won't want the hassle. If you are truly concerned, get a restraining order immediately!!!!!!
    HaydensMommy708

    Answer by HaydensMommy708 at 10:47 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You need to get some legal advice that unfortunately i'm not qualified to give. If he is a lier, then he is probably just trying to scare you. Get the facts on the legal procedures. He can't make a case against you until you get a dna test anyway.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • How does he even know where you are??
    CuteandCurvy

    Answer by CuteandCurvy at 9:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • He probably is just messing with your head. Does he know where you live?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Has there been a dna test?
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 9:22 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You will have to get legal advice. Unfortunately, none of us are going to be able to give you the help you need unless a mom that is a lawyer or paralegal happens to read this question and reply.

    I used to be a social worker and from the information you gave us, I'd say that you probably have nothing to worry about. In order to get visitation he would have to get a lawyer and have the courts force you to do a paternity test. This guy doesn't sound like the type that cares enough to go to all of that trouble. I think he's just getting a kick out of stressing you out. This is just my opinion though based off of the limitted information you gave us, so I would urge you to seek legal counsel.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • If his name isnt on the birth certificate then what are you worried about? And if you moved 5 states away from him to be rid of him why are you still checking up on him? How do you know that he said these things if you arent asking around about him? You need to clear your mind and move on. If he was abusive towards you, you need to forget about him and get on with your life. Chances are he's just messing with your head because you aren't close enough for the physical abuse. I was in a similar situation. And my ex said he was going to come after me for full custody. I cried and cried and I'm sure he felt great about that. But in the end, it never happened and I haven't heard from him in years and my DD is going on 10 years old. And his nam IS on the birth certificate! So if I were you I wouldnt worry. Just do what you can to make a good life for you and your child now that youve moved away... Good Luck :)
    Shyma

    Answer by Shyma at 9:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You really need to get legal advice like some of the other moms said. If he is violent towards you like you said, then you need to report that, although that's going to be hard to prove now because you never reported it to the police when it happened, so there would be a record of it at least to take with you. Now it's basically, your word against his. I don't know how the laws are in your state or whatever, but where I live, even if his name isn't on the birth certificate he can file for rights to the child after a DNA test proves the baby is his. He can ask for the DNA test himself if he wants too. If it is his, he can file for visitation rights unless you prove otherwise he is a danger to you AND the baby.
    table4eight

    Answer by table4eight at 10:09 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Agreed that you should get legal help. Maybe you can visit legal aid where you're at.
    lvpenguino

    Answer by lvpenguino at 5:45 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN