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Meeting Foster/Adopt Child for First Time?

Hi Everyone,

We are in the process of adopting a 4 year child out of state, we will be meeting & spending Christmas break with her & hopefully bringing her home on January. I was wondering if any other could share their experiences, advice on first meeting, any ideas? Thanks!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Wow, congratulations! Your situation is so much like ours was. We met our daughter when she was four and she joined our family just before Christmas. I agree with the advice you've been given. We did the photo album, including photo of her room, and the foster mom said she looked at it a lot in between pre-placement visits. Our daughter actually did call us Mommy and Daddy by the second visit. But rather than being touching, that only shows you they don't have a real concept of what a mother and father are...to them it might just mean whoever is taking care of them at that particular time.

    I agree about keeping things low key. Also, you and your husband should be the only ones who do the care-taking like feeding her, brushing her hair and teeth, etc. (and getting hugs). As much as grandma may want to help, the child needs to have you do all those things to help with bonding and for her to learn that YOU are her parents.
    ForeverMom05

    Answer by ForeverMom05 at 11:53 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Maybe bring her a doll to keep until she is back with you. A photo album with your pictures and one of all of you together for her to keep.
    cassey.e

    Answer by cassey.e at 9:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Give her a photo album with pictures of your family, and HER room. Be prepared, it will be awkward, and she may be so nervous that she will be afraid to like you. (This happened with our youngest of the sibling group we were adopting.) She didn't want to let us see her at all at first, and she told her foster mom that she wanted us to go away). The second meeting with her she was completely over it. Now it's almost 3 years later, and she is still over it. LOL It has to be soooo scary for a kid, and it's hard for you too, because you will never know for sure what the adults in her life have told her about why you are visiting, and how she interprites what she hears.
    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:37 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Be yourself. Do what you normally will do as a family but try to keep them low key. Don't overwelm her with lots of new people all at once. Yes the whole family will want to visit but have them let her set the pace. (Don't have everyone run up and pick her up, hugging & kissing, etc) Give her time to warm up to them. If she will be going to preschool/church drive by ithemwhen she's with you. Include lots and lots of pictures in the picture book. Pictures of preschool, church, family, her room, the house, pets, etc. Make sure they are all labeled so the foster home can identify them for her. Give her a disposable camera so she can take her own pictures of whatever she wants.

    Don't expect her to call you mommy & daddy at first. Let her have time to decide this on her own. Tell her yes you will be her mommy & daddy but until she's ready she can go you....

    It's a wonderful time coming! Congrats!

    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:19 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

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