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I need some serious advice :(

So long story short...I'm a single mom after a really horrible relationship. About 5 months ago I started dating a really great guy (by great I mean he cooks for me, cleans, gives me a dozen roses a week, and treats my daughter like his very own princess). Nothing at all is wrong with him. BUT something is wrong with me....I don't like to be touched, I don't like when things get to serious...I'm not sure if its because I'm scared of the past or what. Anybody else been thru these feelings? How can I fix it? I really do love this man but I'm about to end things just to end my complicated feelings?!?! What on earth is wrong with me please help!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think you answered this question all on your own. You've obviously been in an unhealthy relationship before, and are subconciously connecting that guy with everyone else who gets close to you. Be honest with this new guy, tell him you've been hurt before and want to take things a little slower. If he loves you for real, he'll do exactly what you need for him to be allowed to stick around:)

    Answer by mikeysmomma2007 at 9:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • i feel the same way, like i dont want to be close to any man cuz of my past. i wish i didnt feel that way but i gotta get over it i guess, sorry for wasting my time to say that but the answers u get may help me gl :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • You aren't over the past yet. Give it time. You will get over it. Don't end it with the nice guy, They are hard to find! ;)

    Answer by MLM0503 at 9:41 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • It sounds like you do have some skeletons in your closet. In this case, some counseling might help.

    Answer by lowencope at 9:42 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Give the good guy a chance. Explain to him that you have been hurt bad in the past and you need to take it slow. If he is a good guy and cares for you he will be patient and take things slow. Now for you, you have to set it in your mind that this guy is not all the other bad guys you have been with. See him for who he is and not the others. Be fair to both of you and give it the real chance it deserves with time and patience. Good Luck

    Answer by SuzanneL09 at 9:46 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I'd recommend counseling. I did it and it really helped me sort out a lot of my feelings. This guy sounds wonderful, hang on to him. Talk to him about how you feel too.

    Answer by camiam81 at 9:50 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • i went through this with my husband...i had to explain to him that i just needed time. I knew i really liked him b/c he was so great to me and my son but i knew it was too soon for me to get physically involved with anyone...i told him and he respected me for that and if this guy loves you he will respect you. It took me months to even be comfortable kissing on a date when me and dh first started dating..i always pushed him away and told him i really liked him but it was just too soon. I had just gotten out of a BAD relationship with my son's father...he was emotionally and verbally abusive and i just needed some time to be sure i could put my heart back on the line

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:58 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • OP here: thanks for the advice ladies I'll really take it all into concideration. Like I said he truly is a great guy...I guess maybe I just don't know how to handle being treated well!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I was in your situation over 2 years ago. I was divorced from a bad relationship and because of that it made it hard to let my guard down. Then I met my s/o, who is wonderful. He takes care of me and kids that are not his so I can stay home. In the beginning when I knew things were more serious, I let him know about my past. Since he really wanted to be with me, he respected my feelings and gave me the time and space I needed when I needed it. Now, we have been together for over 2 years and have a 16mth old son who he is an awesome dad to. If this guy really wants to be with you, he will be willing to listen and respect your feelings.

    Answer by table4eight at 10:00 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I think it's because you're probably still afraid - like you think it's too good to be true, and maybe, deep down, you're afraid you don't deserve it (part of the problem with abusive relationships is you start to think that maybe in a way you do deserve it, or you aren't worth being treated better...)

    But the thing is, you DO deserve to be treated well, and it sounds like you have a great guy! Don't end it with him, just tell him that as wonderful as he is, you are still coming to terms with your past and ask that he be patient with you when you have a hard time accepting how good things are now. Then, find a therapist that can help you with all of this! Because, again, you and your dd DO deserve a man who loves you, and with time and help, you CAN come to appreciate it - ALL of it - with this man in your life now :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:24 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

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