Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you knew a woman was in an abusive relationship would you try to help her get out??

I am watching a documentary called Every F--king day of my life on HBO. It is about this woman who was being abused by her husband almost daily for 20 years. He told her about fantasies about wanting to be a serial killer. Then on the night he died neighbors called the cops because they heard fighting and the cops came asked if she was okay and left. Then she killed him with a hammer with the assistance with her eldest son. She didn't try to hide she turned herself in right away. And said she just wanted her kids to be safe.

What gets to me though is everyone around her admitted to knowing that she was being abused. I don't understand why no one tried to help her out. I mean I get that people are scared i get that but. If you talk to the right people things can be fixed. cant they? The system cant be that screwed right. I am in shock right now sorry.

Answer Question
 
jenniamigo

Asked by jenniamigo at 10:57 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Unfortunately with women who stay with abusive men, there is usually an underlying issue that takes a professional to get to the bottom of and really provide help. Of course I would give her my advice and try and convince her to leave him but most likely it would be a lost cause and honestly, I would be very scared to get in the middle of something like that for fear that he would come after me or my family in a rage.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:02 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • If I knew someone was being abused, I'd report the jerk, even at the possible expense of the friendship.
    tyheamma

    Answer by tyheamma at 11:02 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Well yes I would try to help anyone in that situation try to get out. Unfortunatly the person has to be ready to accept the help. Sometimes when a person has been in an abusive relationship it gets to the point that that's all they know. I know that sounds pathetic and kinda bullshit-like but it's the truth. Before I left my ex husband things had gotten to the point that I had no self worth I thought that I deserved it. I left him when all I could do was think murderous thoughts about him but didn't want to go to jail cause of my son (who is now 9). Prior to me leaving him my friends had tried to get me to do it but I just couldn't. It was something I had to do myself.
    kendra1417

    Answer by kendra1417 at 11:10 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Some of us dont have the strength and courage to leave yet :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • IMO you can help a woman even if she doesn't want to leave her abuser at that moment. Help can be opening a bank account in your name for when she decides to leave and getting her to squirrel away any cash she can (or if you can afford it, by throwing money in it yourself for her).

    Help can also be finding a place she can flee to when she leaves. Abused women's shelter, a friend's house, your house. Have her pack a few things if she can for herself (and kids if she has any) and keep them at your house so she won't have to worry about having things they need if they have to run in a hurry.

    Mostly you can help by being there for her. A sympathetic nonjudgemental ear and should to cry on. Tell her ONCE she needs to leave him, don't repeat it every time..trust me she already knows she needs to leave him even if she isn't ready to face it head on.

    So yes, I would try to help her. The form in which the help comes depends.
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 11:40 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • ANON 19 I hope you find the courage to at least call this number

    800-799-safe
    jenniamigo

    Answer by jenniamigo at 11:50 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • love your answer sqtdemanda. I also heard that you should keep track of the dates on a calander or something like that if you notice any unusual marks that indicate abuse it makes it's much much easier to get the abuser put away because at that point it's not just his word against hers.
    jenniamigo

    Answer by jenniamigo at 11:53 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • Yep a journal is a great idea, for you and, if she'll do it, her too. I don't know about where you live but here if an abused wife wants to press charges with the police, the investigation will include any historic abuse as well, and each incident can add another assault charge. They don't HAVE to know exact dates but it helps for credibility and court. Dates/times and what abuse occurred, any physical injuries and where they are and what caused them (punch, slap, kick etc). Photos are useful to if she'll consent.

    I deal with this so much...it never ceases to amaze me that men can do such awful things to a person they claim (or claimed at some point) to love.

    Anonymous 17, my prayers are with you. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat or want a sounding board. You deserve better and you are not alone k?

    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 12:29 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would give her information and share my story with her.
    Unfortunately, you can not pursuade a woman to leave an abusive relationship. She has to make that choice on her own, even if it means a serious injury or her own death.
    I'm sorry, but that is the way of it.
    If an abused woman wants to talk and hear more information and get advice about how she can possibly make it on her own then I know she is inkling towards making the decision to leave and I would definitely help her as much as I can.
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 11:54 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN