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Need advice about crumbling mother/daughter relationship

when me and dh first got married, every and anything we fought about I went to my mother and told her, complained about him all the time. well I basically planted a seed of dislike of him in her mind. Big mistake. I was young and still immature. We've been separated for a while since march and every time I express to her that I want to work things out she gives me attitude. She even said she had a dream me and him got back together and she was furious. Well, since August we have been really working on things and have been talking about me and the girls moving back w/ him in Jan. The problem is I haven't told her this and I'm afraid that she will not want anything to do w/ me. I love my mother to death and I don't know what I'd do w/o her. but I also love my husband and don't know what I'd do w/o him. How do I tell my mother w/o upsetting her and how do I keep both relationships in tact?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I would go to your Mother and sit down and have a frank, honest conversation. Tell her what you told us, that you made a big mistake by using her for venting, as you see now, apologize for making that mistake. Let her know that even though you may have spoken poorly of your husband it didn't mean you didn't love him, you were just having a hard time dealing with particular situations and you shouldn't have drug her into it. Then tell her that you've been working on your relationship and plan to move back in. Ask her to be supportive of you, that you need that, that you want your relationship with you husband to work, and she's just the person you need to help you make good decisions for keeping your relationship on the right track. Hopefully she'll be accepting of this, and will understand that you need her in your life AND you need your husband as well.

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 11:13 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • I'm a mom of two grown daughters. It's not easy for us moms to see our dd's do something that we think might not be in her best interest. Most times we express ourselves but my kids have learned to remind me that they are adults and it's their decision. So I suggest you tell mom to break the news gradually before you move in with him. Just tell her that you are thinking about it and no matter what you choose, that you love her and want and need her support. Just please don't let this man be an abusive man who is luring you back into a controlling and manipulating situation. I always tell women to remember why they left before they go back. Men don't change without professional help. Please don't put yourself or your children in a situation where you may be harmed in any way including emotionally. (sorry, that was the mom in me speaking)

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • lol it's ok, admckenzie, he's not abusive, just made poor decisions. Other than finances and arguing too much, he's a good man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Dec. 14, 2009

  • tell ur mom that u never really told her the good stuff he did for u and that u only really talked bout him to her was when u were mad or upset with him and tell her that u still love him and wanna be with him and etc hope everything works out for ya

    Answer by myangelelena at 12:48 AM on Dec. 15, 2009