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How can we elevate the general tone of discussion on CafeMom?

I am pretty new to CafeMom. I am excited to have the opportunity to be involved in a greater community of women who share their thoughts and experiences, but I am often put-off by the rude and insulting responses that are often posted. I'm sure there's lots of wisdom and valuable experiences to be shared out there, but it seems you have to dig through a lot of ugly venomous chatter to get the occasional meaningful thread. I find it pretty discouraging. It seems pretty sad that so many people choose to ruin the wonderful potential that CafeMom offers.

I am wondering if collectively, we can think of some ideas that could foster less hostility and more fellowship among the women who want to discuss some of the many important issues we share in common. When all is said and done, what we share in common far outweighs the things that separate us. Hopefully this won't spark some firestorm of angry women who are ready to hate me.

Answer Question

Asked by refinnej63 at 12:26 AM on Dec. 15, 2009 in About CafeMom

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Answers (12)
  • I completely agree. I am also new to this site and have been a little hesitant to post questions, offer my opinion, etc. because of the negative comments and rude remarks that I often read. We all have at least one thing in common, which is motherhood. We have enough stressful things in our life without having to get "beat up" here. I do appreciate honestly, but I also appreciate manners. Unfortunately though, I don't have any ideas on how to fix this but I would glady welcome the change!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I am not so new to CM - I've been a member for about a year and a half - but I admit that when I was new, I was put off in the same way as you are. I was SO excited to find this site and was really looking forward to some good discussions. But I found the same thing you did - more often than not, the subjects in the Answers section were picked apart by those just looking to fight. But I posted a thought, similarly to what you just did, and was directed towards the groups on CM, as opposed to the Answers section. Particularly a group called "Smart Chicks", that tries to foster intelligent, non-confrontational debate about current and interesting topics. If you search in the groups, you are sure to find something that reflects what it is you are looking for. Many do not tolerate personal attacks or inflammatory remarks. Makes for much better conversation.

    Answer by Iskkra at 12:35 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I have often thought of creating a new place, called Mature, Kind, Respectful Mommies...tee hee or something like that. :)

    It's rough on here sometimes....but as I have said before to similar posts SOMETIMES others are taken the wrong way. What we put in chat is often not how we would portray it in person. I KNOW I have inadvertently come across as rude, angry, or similar, when I don't intend that tone at all. Not necessarily on Cafe Mom, but in emails and such.

    I think it just comes with the territory and I have come to resolve that I won't be intimidated by the meanie mommies! :)

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:36 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I SO agree with you! As I do not think the founders of the site really thought women would react so catty and with no tact or couth about them as this IS a place for Moms to seek out advice and OFFER advice, not get belittled for asking certain questions which may raise and eyebrow or two, or to sart the name placing or offer the rude comments.

    That's when I feel those remarks ARE from teenaged kids whom are on the forum to start trouble cause I cannot believe a grown woman, and Mother would respond so rudely and act so immature and be so vile with their replies as I have seen on here in the years I have been a member. Imagine them in reality! I think their social circle may BE small so they get on here to lash out for lack of true friendship. Just sayin'.

    Well, grow up. Make a friend or three or four! Life is too short. LIVE IT UP, NOT DOWN!

    I thought Cafe Mom WAS the place to meet new friends, not enemies!


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I could not agree more. It feels like if you mention formula feeding, circumcision, vaccines, or ear piercing you are going to hell. Most of the time I find myself playing the games more than joining groups or answering questions! I honestly think that perhaps someone should be reported and penalized for being hateful, too judgemental, offensive, or condemning. I understand there are some young mothers out there but honestly it's not even usually the young mothers who act immaturely, it is the grown mothers who know what is best for everyone's childern. There are ways of offering your opinion without coming off as a "Nazi." Also I disagree with the use of that word, but it seems to be a common term on here for those moms who are so overbearing. If everyone were a little nicer it would bring the stress level down so much. I mean don't we have enough stress in our lives as moms anyway!

    Answer by TrystansMom314 at 3:47 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • If you stick to the groups (not the drama clubs like the Newcomers group), you will find more intellectually stimulating conversations.


    Answer by rkoloms at 6:38 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I have been with CM for almost 3 years now. I would visit this site daily. I found what you all have found. Catty, rude and general bitchiness on this site. I don't come as often as I used to, once a week usually. I would like to find a mature womans group that doesn't thrive off of drama.

    As far as how to solve it? I don't think there is an easy answer. Maybe a point system...or stickers LOL it is hard enough with children let alone adults who "know everything"

    Answer by yellarose at 6:59 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • You might want to give up with the idea of trying to change people or make them do what you want. That is a big waste of time and energy. Only you can change how you respond to people IRL or cyberspace, you can't change people. And yes, the owners of this site new exactly what they were going to get when creating this website.
    So, it's here, it's continuing, what are you going to do? Keep your membership and ignore the bitches. Find yourself a good place here and try real hard to ignore the youngsters.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:06 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • While your thoughts are nice, the implementation is a pipe dream. Not gonna happen. It's the internet, people argue. It's cafemom, women henpeck. Utopia is a dream.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Seems you are looking down on people for having different views and ideas. Usually arguements are because of our differences. Some are taken the wrong way because others think everything is about them and they get upset. I think you should just relax and skip over posts that hurt your feelings and move on with your day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

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