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Advice needed. Badly.

Please no bashing. I need advice. My husband & I seperated. I did not want to, but he just acts like he doesn't care about me. I was stressed and ruined the relationship from depression. We didn't cheat or lie, it was just stress and I took it out on him. I want him back so bad, i cry all day & I lost my job from not being able to even get out of bed. No bashing. I contact him a lot begging that he gives me a chance, deep down I know it is over though. I feel like my world is over. I've talked to doctors and my mom, I took medicine- prozac, and I want to get over this pain. I want to feel better. Its been about 2 weeks and he even changed his number. I'm alone & tomorrow I get evicted, I couldn't even work to pay for anything. Im not 2 weeks behind on my car payment. I just need advice on how to get over this. I've lost my mind I know over this. It's made me crazy and him crazy now from me trying to contact him, I can't stop.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 AM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • first take deep breath.
    second make a list of all your personal support system (fam friends docs)
    third if you dont have a couselor get one although a counselor cant give med they can help you come up with a plan of action to getting your life back. If you cant afford a couselor (im not religious at all I promise) go to a local church but if you arent catholic stay away from catholic churches churches can help you find a counselor and other resourses you need to survive (rent, food, clothes)
    fourth if its only been a couple weeks relax sometimes couples need to step back a min to move forward
    orchidstar1

    Answer by orchidstar1 at 4:38 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • oh yeah one more thing email me anytime just click on my name to send an invite
    orchidstar1

    Answer by orchidstar1 at 4:43 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • the first few weeks are always the hardest...but it will get better! try to focus on the positives of this situation....make a list if you need to..sometimes seeing it written out can help...and seeing a counselor would DEFINITELY help....if the Prozac isn't working then talk to your doc...something else might be needed...as far as being evicted...talk to your local town hall about help, or your local community action...MOST landlords will not evict you if you are applying for rental assistance...its time to drag yourself up by your bootstraps and get back on your feet...try to look for a job and get back to work...the distraction might be what you need!
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 6:41 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • You need to just snap out of this rut you are in. It seems like the end of the world, but it is not. Think of it this way. He did not want you, so why should you want him. Get your self together. Get your head straight. Get your life back in order and move on.Yes it will take a while to get over him. But do not let him control your life like this.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:59 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • While stated pretty harshly, Louise2 is right. You do need to "snap out of it". However, speaking from experience, I can tell you that's not easy Remember your kid(s) need you to be strong because they're hurting too. I can also tell you begging doesn't work....neither does bashing his choices (to him or others). He owes you so much money for each child, and possibly alimony, and that will help you pay bills as you get back on your feet. In addition to talking with a counselor, you also need to find a lawyer who will fight for you and your kids' rights. When your friends and family members say they are there for you, let them be there however they can....they can't fix things for you, but they can listen.
    Cont.
    nikspineapple

    Answer by nikspineapple at 7:20 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • cont.
    Also look online for the program DivorceCare. There's also one for kids. I went through it and learned a lot; my daughter did not because she is too young but I did learn from my group ways to help her deal with everything. If DivorceCare (it is religious, although not based on any one religion) isn't for you, check out other support groups until you find a good fit. As far as the crying goes....that's ok, you're mourning the loss of something and you are going to hurt for a while, probably a long while honestly. However, you need to put a time limit on the crying; after that time limit is up, focus on something else, anything else. It's hard at first but you can do it. Message me; I'd love to help you in any way I can.
    nikspineapple

    Answer by nikspineapple at 7:25 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • The first step is to stop begging him to come back to you. The second step is to think seriously about what you did wrong in the marriage. It would be helpful to make a list. Then after you have had time to think about how much of the break-down was your own fault, sit down and write your husband a letter, telling him of the mistakes that you made and ask him to forgive you for not having been more thoughtful of him and his needs. There are no guarantees that anything you say or do at this point will cause him to change his mind, but I believe that you will feel much better about the whole situation because you will have done something positive. Crying and self-pity and allowing oneself to fall into depression only make us feel worse. Taking positive actions will always make one feel better, no matter what the circumstances. You are learning a valuable lesson through your pain and you will be a better person inthe end.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:31 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but I ruined my relationship due to depression too. That was 10 years ago, I finally got my life back together and my head back on straight.....and now.....my x and I are back together. We just realized everything got out of control back then, the stress was too much for both of us and we attacked eachother. So all I'm trying to say here is....there is always hope! Hang in there and right now you need to focus on YOU, only YOU....you can't take care of anything/anyone else until you can take care of YOU.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 8:08 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Listen, you said for better or worst, he deserted you when things got bumpy. He doesn't love you enough to be with you when you needed him the most. He has changed his phone number you have become a bothersome for him so you need to stop calling him and searching for the love he isn't willing to provide you any more. You need to put yourself first.

    This is your action plan.
    1.- Resist the co-dependent cycle of contacting him, it is over
    2.- Contact your family and friends and be specific about your immediate needs
    3.- Get the newspaper, search internet sites, maintain your mind preoccupied with finding a job, any job
    4.- Be your best friend, be kind to yourself, love yourself, respect yourself
    5.- Move on

    Easier said than done but I know you can do it, one foot in front of the other.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 8:25 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • First of all get off the prozac. Had a friend that was on it and it made her worse. She went crazy untl she got off of it. Second. I have been through the same thing. It is hard and will take time. You have to get out and try to move on even if your heart is not in it. My heart wasnt in it for a long time, but the hurt finally goes away a little and you realize life goes on with or without you and it is best to go on with life. After 5 years of trying to move on I am remarried. Dont give up. The best thing to do is get god on your side as I did go to church and live right and God will send someone else your way.
    Lynn1575

    Answer by Lynn1575 at 9:05 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

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