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Is she a friend or just a mooch?

I had a gf whose son hung out with my son for years. I was there for her when her son was younger and she was going through a rough divorce. I always invited her to my house and paid for everything. I went out with her once to a bar and of course I had to pay. I am a sahm and do not work. She is alone with three kids but she has a ft job and gets child support. As soon as I stopped supporting our friendship, she stopped calling e mailing and now she ignores me. I guess the almighty dollar is what was keeping us together. I told her I would pay for a Halloween party. But the tickets were a lot cheaper than I thought 5 dollars a person and my hubby told me stop trying to buy her friendship. Sure enough I don't hear from her. Wht should I do for the holidays with her??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 AM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • "I never asaked for compesation for dinners, outings, hoildays, nyears you name it I bought it"

    There was your problem to begin with.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:35 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I know you said she has a full time job, but she also has 3 kids and is a single mom, that is hard. Maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she feels like she can't afford to pay for things so thinks she can't ask you to hang out with her. Maybe you could call her before Christmas and just ask her if she'd like to exchange gifts or since everyone is tight this year if she'd rather skip the gifts. Try to feel her out and see if she seems to be having a hard time financially. Let her decide if you do anything for Christmas or not.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 7:58 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • It has been this way for like 7 years. So I am tired of putting out constantly. Her kids are a little disrespectful towards me too. ALso when we invited her over from a school fucntion she stopped at a McDonalds and came to eat her dinner over my house and we had to watch her?? So my hubby when to buy food. She has become so white trash.........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Well, is it even remotely possible that she is seeing a change in YOU? I mean, if you used to pay for things and all of a sudden you stopped, maybe she thinks you are turned off to the friendship. Could that be? I would talk to her about the situation in general...let her know what you are thinking....that at first things were rough for her, but now that some time has gone by you thought her situation was more stable financially. Reassure her that you are still interested in the friendship...Then the ball is in her court and at least you will know it isn't a big misunderstanding! It could be that her financial situation isn't any better than it was in the beginning, so she doesn't realize that it is also hard on you to keep paying for everything. If there is any chance that this could be a misunderstanding, clear it up so you will know for sure!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:14 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • no offense but if your calling your friend white trash your not a good friend either....she might be doing the wrong thing by expecting you to pay but have you once told her "hey wanna go do this? i only have enough money for me so it will cost this amount if you would like to come too?" she might have come to expect you to pay and hasnt clued in....bring it up! your husband is right and you shouldnt pay all the time...but just because she works full time and gets child support doesnt mean she has extra money....you might not know her bills or what she pays out... I understand what your saying and DO agree with you.....but when i read that white trash comment it made me realise that you might be talking behind her back and your calling her names...makes you no better...if your a friend you support your friends...you dont have to pay for eveyrthing though...but dont bash them
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 8:16 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I have supported her through a lot. She was the town mistress. SHe is so different now. She changed got old, but still I can not foot the bill anymore. I am in dire straights for money. I guess you can say I met a lot better company to hang with that does not complain or ask for handouts. I like that I don't feel taken advantage of. I don like being a doormat or atm machine to have a friend. No thanks, I am not someone to have sucker printed across my forehead anymore...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I hear you on this one. Sounds like a mooch to me. Don't feel bad I went through this with a "friend" too. I have a much better life than her and she just couldnt deal with it! All of her so called best friends had issues with their lives and I didn't. I see it like this "dont hate on me, strive to be better"!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Yes. I have been so patient. Many years patient. But to continue this pattern is so been there and so done that and I need to move on. Thanks for your support. You understand the money friend concept a little better. Especially when you start meeting other people that are so much in a better place . I feel bad but she need to realize the story line I feel sorry for you is really getting old and I need to grow as a person not get stuck being a banker on Deal or No deal....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Tell her how you feel and see how she responds. You may need a new friend.
    Lynn1575

    Answer by Lynn1575 at 8:46 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • You led this on in the forst place by always paying. She probably got used to it. I doubt that she is USING you for money. Mayeb she likes the fact that you pay for outings, but i doubt that is the sole reason she is freinds with you. Obviously, if this has been going on for 7 years, you have allowed yourself to pay all this time. Why did you not say something sooner? If you have a hard time telling it how it is, you could have at least beat around the bush & say something like "i don't know if i can pay EVERYthing tonight, money has been kind of rough" She would get the picture.....

    She may think you have some kind of dis-taste towards her at the moment, & because you are not coming clean about why, she has to assume why, which is never good. Assuming only lands you in a bad spot. You are not being a good friend by not being honest with her, you are bothered by her & here you are talking behind her back. Talk to her face.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:58 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

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