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not his baby?

No bashing.. i cheated on my hubby. We were going through a really tough time for about 4 months last year. I cheated on him several times with an ex. He never knew about it. We made up and everything is really good now. I have a child that is 4 months old, and since i found out i was preggers i knew it may not be his. the older the baby gets now.. the more i question it. Should i even bring it up? We also have a 4 year old. the ex is out of the picture now and didnt even know i was pregnant. What would you do?? I do not want to lose my family.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (15)
  • You have to weigh the decision between allowing the child to "know" his dad, if its not hubby will ex step up & be a dad? Or will telling tear your child from the only father figure he'll ever have. Why are you questioning as the baby gets older? Does it not look like hubby? Answers please & I'll help more.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:16 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • If it was me I would have been honest and told him from the beginning. Actually I wouldnt have slept around on my husband no matter how rough a time you were having. You are still married until the ink dries on your divorce decree.

    Maybe you should just take him on the Maury show and surprise him.
    Seriously though dont you think your child deserves to know its father? Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Tell the truth and do whats right for your child. Your being really immature and selfish, lying about this mess that you created.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I try to always look at hard decisions in the other persons place. Would you be fine if he possibly fathered a child with another women and never told you? Would you want to know or is not knowing better? It's a hard choice but it can be good or bad. Good Luck. Remember no one is perfect and the first person who says they are is a liar.

    Answer by jgal29 at 9:18 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Are you kidding me? You really think its ok to allow him to parent and support her child if he isnt the father? I know people adopt spouses children and parent step-children all the time, but shouldnt he be allowed to make that choice? How is it fair to not allow him to make that decision for himself?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I agree with igal, sometimes we do things we are not proud of-but it was your mistake, everyone should not pay for it.

    It is a no win situation, and how would you rather him find out, by accident or with your honesty, it might be too late, but would you want to live never knowing.

    How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I wish you the best of luck. Do what is best for you and your baby?

    Good luck!!!


    Answer by KFree907 at 9:31 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • if you are questioning it now, and asking for others thoughts then you feel guilty. that can make you very unhappy. I think I would rather have a split family (not saying that will happen) than a family I can't feel myself around. I think you should tell him before it becomes the giant elephant in the room and then its to late and you lose your husband.

    Answer by Savymom25 at 9:38 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I wouldn't do one thing about it, honestly you made a big mistake, but you are going to open up a huge can of worms, I think that even if it is not his biological daughter, it is still your hubbys daughter! He loves her and if you would have adopted a baby it wouldn't be "his" blood. I think you should stay quiet, as long as your commited to staying with you hubby and want it to work out, good luck! I hope all of this works out for you, I have no idea how you could do a DNA test without your hubby, if there was a way to know for sure, you could make the choice of what to do,,,where is the ex? Perhaps you could ask him to DNA test, and if the answer comes back that it is not his, you will know that it is your dear hubby, if it comes back as the exes, then maybe you need to come forward, god bless?

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:38 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I just want to say that my husband and I just found out about a year ago that he had a son, and he was already a year old. I think that it is completly unfair to not tell the father. It is his right to know his child. You need to first tell your husband the truth of what has happened, and then get a paternity test done between your husband and your child. If he is the father then no reason to even say anything to the other man. But if your husband isnt the father, then you need to tell the other man immediatly. Eventually it will come out. You need to think about the worst case situation, what if something medically happened to your child, and neither you or your husband were a match to give the child what they needed? Also, if 10, 15, 20 years down the road it comes out, not only will your husband be hurt beyond words that you lied to him for the last however many years, but your child will be very hurt.

    Answer by jgirl7 at 10:52 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • i know i made an absolutly horrible, disgusting mistake. I do. I cant really tell who the baby looks like.. but I do think about it everyday. I know i can go my whole like without saying anything. But i really do struggle with it because as you said.. i do look at it from his point of view. He loves that baby, he has never thought anything foul.. so do i crush him and tell him it isnt his? He would be DEVISTATED. but is it worth doing that to him to know the truth? I dont know..
    Because is it fair to take care of the child if it isnt really his blood.. I just dont know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I'd keep my mouth shut. It might be his baby, and everyone is happy. Why cause drama?

    Answer by soflashelley at 12:30 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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