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I am struggling with what my step son should call me.

My husband and I use my first name, Jen, when we refer to me in front of my stepson, because our inital visits were with his birthmom, and she would FREAK OUT if he ever called me mom in front of her. But I dont want him to not feel comfortable choosing what he wants to call me becuase of her insecurities. She is constantly telling me HE ISNT YOUR KID. Although, I have never ever said he was, and do everything possible to make her feel secure. Help Me!

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Asked by jgirl7 at 10:19 AM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (10)
  • Maybe you should just let him pick what he is comfortable calling you on his own. Or if there is something other than actually "mom". I have a close friend who's step-children call her Momma-Dawn.

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 10:25 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • If he'sonly 1 or 2 you are choosing what he calls you, I think Jen is a good choice. My SO is the full time father figure, and my DD calls him by his first name. She knows who her daddy is, but on occasion she calls SO daddy. We don't correct her or others when they do it, but we don't encourage it. It's an accident and it's not one worth getting mad about, she's called the babysitter mommy right in front of me, they just get used to saying it. Heck she's even come home and called me daddy. BM needs to realize it's a habit for him and you aren't making him call you mommy. Let her freak outs go, you're doing all you can.

    Answer by camiam81 at 10:32 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • miss jen, ms. jen, mrs jen or just jen. you're not mom, i had four stepkids and none of them called me mom (except when the baby was really lil and didn't know the difference) there is a chance you wont be in his life forever and it wouldn't be fair to have him call you mom.

    Answer by angevil53 at 10:35 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Calling her the birthmom is not a good idea. That's what you call a woman who gives her baby up for adoption. Children call step-moms by their first name.

    It is important to know your place. The mother shouldn't have to tell you "he isn't your kid", you and the father should be behaving and speaking in ways to make that very clear. Calling you by your first name will help.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:44 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • first name!!! definetley.. correct the baby

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I guess I have to disagree with many here. He will be your child. You married his father and therefor that makes you his step mother. Personally I'd encourage him to call you something along the lines of momma-Jen and let her be mommy. Unless you are already planning on a divorce in your future then you will be his mommy as well. I'd also assume that you're planning on children as well. How would it look to him when he's 10 and has to call you Jen when your other children will be calling you mommy? You want to look to the future so that he feels a part of your family and not always an outsider.

    Answer by baconbits at 11:09 AM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • How old is the child? It is true you are not his 'mommy' but you are his step-mom, and will be a part of his family. If you and your husband have other kids you don't want him to feel like an 'outsider' in the family. I think your should sit down with your step-son and husband and think of a nickname he can call you--- Mom-Jen, Mimi, or whatever you all can come up with.

    I wonder if mom's tantrum saying "he's not your kid" is due to her own insecurity--- maybe she is worried that he may like you better, or maybe she is upset that dad has moved on with his life and she has not. I would let her know that you realize he is NOT your kid, and that nobody can take mom's place, but remind her that you are the step-mom and are part of his family (wether she likes it or not).

    Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:27 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I honestly don't see whats wrong with you being called MOMMA Jen. If something were to happen between me n DH & he got remarried as long as she is a good role in my childs life whats wrong with him my son callin her mom or momma(whatever). I mean really why does there always have to be hate. Let the child decided what to call you. And love him like your own!!! GL

    Answer by rebel07 at 3:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Is his mother a BIG part of his life? My ds bio-dad isn't a part od his life so ds call dh dad (or his name whichever he wants at the time) I do want to tell ds (3years old) about his bio dad but don't really know how.

    Answer by mom06and09 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • First of all, my grandparents raised me for a good part of my life and I called them Mom and Dad. My grandparents, when they met had both been married before(Grpa widower,Grma Divorcee), they , respectively had 5 kids(Grpa) and 4 kids(Grma) they got married, had a child, and adopted a child. total = 11, to all of them they were MOM and DAD. My mom married quite a few times in search of "Mr.Right", I never called any of them "Dad", until my mom met her current husband. I loved him almost as soon as I met him and IMMEDIATELY started calling him "Dad" when they got married. He and I have a beautiful relationship and he is "Popop" to my son(baby chose that). I completely believe that is should be up to the child what he calls you, you married his dad, you help take care of him, see to his needs, you are a mom. Whats wrong with being called that? Just because you didnt birth him doesnt make it any less of the truth. Good Luck, hun

    Answer by moredamerrier at 4:08 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

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