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I know He Loves Me but...

I know my husband loves me. I have no doubt in my mind that he truly, truly loves me. He works very hard to be a wonderful husband, and is always going out of his way to do things he knows makes me happy.

My problem is that I feel like he no longer desires me. There seems to be a total lack of passion and overall "want" on his end.

I have always had a higher sex drive than him, and that has never bothered me. Now, however, he never seems to be interested in sex.

To live in a loving but sexless marriage is something I will do, because we really are happily married (other than this issue), but I would love some ideas/advice on what I might be able to do to "reawaken" his urges.

Any ideas?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I can't tell you honestly, but I can say the number one cause of affairs is that one partner or the other is not satisfied sexually. Whether their partner stops being interested or just doesn't have the time. I'm not questioning that you're happily married or saying that you may start looking elsewhere, but it should be made clear to him that GOOD sex is vital to a healthy marriage as long as at least one partner desires it.

    Answer by MadreToBe at 12:36 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Is he under a lot of stress at work? There are 2 main things that zap a husband's sex drive: 1) Stress, and 2) Something medical. If your husband doesn't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or is diabetic, then my guess is that he just has a whole lot of stress.

    Find a way to aleviate his stress and give him time to chill out and have time for himself and he'll perk back up a bit.

    I too have a much higher sex drive than my DH. And he is a doer...meaning he works hard at work and at home. If something needs done, he takes care of it without being asked. But the lack of time he takes for himself makes him have even less interested in sex than he already has. I encourage him to go to the movies or to the sports bar with his friends once a week (at least once every other week) and it helps a lot.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 12:48 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Encourage him to get a thorough medical check-up. He could have some physical malady that contributes or he may just have lower than normal levels of testosterone. Either way, the doctor can help. In the meantime, just be as loving as you know how to be in other ways. Just letting him know that he is loved for the person that he is may boost his desire to be more intimate with you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:59 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Change someething about yourself. Color your hair, or wear a wig, Guys get turned on by variety, i know it sounds AWEFUL, but it's unfortunately true. Get a new outfit that shows your best assets & wear something that you usually would never wear. I guarantee that the changes would help him "notice" you. In fact, i promise it!

    I went throught this fact, i kind of still am. I cannot keep chaning my appearance, but when i ALWAYS works he thinks "whoa, you look different" and gets kind of turned on by it. Guys like variety, they don't want to eat chicken soup every night. That DOES NOT MEAN that all men cheat, don't take it that way. But, guys are visual creatures & get turned on w/ their eyes. Add a lil spice to your chicken soup & i promise, he will eat it all up!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:01 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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