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Should I get a divorce?

My husband is an alcoholic that is very insecure and verbal abuses and accuses me of cheating all the time. I am sick of it. I have asked to him quit drinking for the past year. He has 2 dui's that he got 2 months apart. Is currently on probation and still drinks. I believe he is doing other drugs too. There is lots more I could add but not enough room. He has good points of him, but the bad is BAD! At this moment he believes I am chatting with men, so he left and said fair is fair, like he is going to cheat. I have learned to not let him control how I feel anymore. It was causing my chest to hurt. Literally. So I guess my real question is.... do I stay and wait to see him change or just go? I threatened him with divorce, he said i am already gone anyway, and that he is who he is, and that this is who he was when I met him. That is true, but he is getting worse and worse.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I didn't even read your whole question, but absolutely.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Go for counselling for yourself and then bring husband in. Between that give it six months. If no improvement get a lawyer. If there's improvement thats being maintained continue for another six months. Call different places. Different counsellors cost different prices. Most important of all value yourself as soon as you can. You're worth your life.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 1:38 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • If children are involved, I would first take the step in getting them out of the situation. Secondly, you need to begin to work on you and all the emotional abuse he's put you through and then after gaining your strenght and independence go from there...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:42 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • This gave me chills when I read it because this was my story about 6 years ago . I totally know what you mean when you say your chest hurt . Mine did to , When you just dont know how much more you can take. I did not have any children with this man ( thank GOD ) . He was very abusive , mentally , emotionally and at the end physically, he tried to chike me to death until I put a knife to his throat and dared him to touch me again . It finally got to the point where he literally drove me to a nervous break down . I was hospitalized for it . One day I got the strength ( from where I dont know ) and I walked out and never went back . It is the best thing i ever did for myself . I met a wonderful man that is very good to me and I have a beautiful daughter . If you have kids just think of what this is doing to them or if they are babies , what it could do to them . You deserve so much better than this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • This gave me chills when I read it because this was my story about 6 years ago . I totally know what you mean when you say your chest hurt . Mine did to , When you just dont know how much more you can take. I did not have any children with this man ( thank GOD ) . He was very abusive , mentally , emotionally and at the end physically, he tried to choke me to death until I put a knife to his throat and dared him to touch me again . It finally got to the point where he literally drove me to a nervous break down . I was hospitalized for it . One day I got the strength ( from where I dont know ) and I walked out and never went back . It is the best thing i ever did for myself . I met a wonderful man that is very good to me and I have a beautiful daughter . If you have kids just think of what this is doing to them or if they are babies , what it could do to them . You deserve so much better than this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Nobody is going to change if they don't want to, and he doesn't want to. If he hasn't changed after this long of being with you then he's never going to change. You're fooling yourself if you think that you can make him change. Even if he stopped doing what he was doing, if it wasn't his choice to do so and what he wanted to do it's not real. He'll just fall right back into it all eventually and you'll go back to being miserable. You don't deserve to be accused of things you're not doing. You don't deserve to be verbally abused. I can't tell you what you should do, because that needs to be your choice and yours alone. I can say though, that if I were in your position .. I would leave. Which would be followed by a divorce.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • This story is chilling and I think you need to leave. This is one instance I won't even think of recommending counseling. Just go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Alcoholics can not change without help. I had to leave my alcoholic husband and I never regretted it!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Thanks to all. I cried while reading your answers. Whoever made this site is great!!! I feel like I have friends without judgement and that can share there stories too. I do have children, but not with him. They are a 12 yr old boy and 8 yr old girl. And they cant stand him. I am new to this site so if I can figure out if I can keep everybody posted, that would be great, I will. I am going to come up with a plan and figure out how to afford daycare for my kids. I work 6 am to 6 pm for 7 days straight with the next week off, and have no family close.
    Angie198029

    Answer by Angie198029 at 5:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • i would leave. you never know what is going to happen from one min to the next. my dad is an alcoholic and he used to be the same way and it got worse. leave now bfore it gets worse. my mom got hit and verbally abused.
    ajmlaa

    Answer by ajmlaa at 8:08 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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