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When a friend and her daughter over step boundaries...help

The facts: I needed some help on my farm until I could get back on my feet. Friend and her daughter showed up. I paid them for any receipts they brought me. Now they are mad at me because I won't give the daughter part of my land. I said I wanted to sell some and they could have first rights but at my asking price which was much lower than fair market value. Her daughter said Yes, but can't do that for 3 years. I said I couldn't wait that long. Need the money to redo old farm house better now so I don't have to live in the RV. Now they are mad at me. The friends daughter also mad because I wouldn't give her POA when my daughter was out of state. So daughter starts emailing my daughter all kinds of nasty stuff saying true friends don't act the way her mother (me) has done to them. My daughter asked her what business was it of hers anyway and to butt out. Your thoughts, the friend wants me to make amends w her daught

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I agree with all you did and I agree with your dd that it's no one's business. It's your life and your land so your rules. Why should you have to wait 3 yrs for someone else when you have wants and needs of your own? You gave the opportunity. The daughter could have found a way to finance but didn't so you did all you could. My mom used to say when things don't work out then it wasn't meant to be. She needs to accept that and get on with it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Thank you for that answer...here is the problem now...her daughter texted my daughter with this..."doesn't matter what I have done or my mom has done for your mom, it doesn't matter the hours we spent helping her and you weren't there and the friendship, wtf, what it all boils down to is money and you all get your money from selling land." My DD replies with "It's none of your business, but it's nice to know that any help you or your mom offered was not from the space of unconditional friendship and was meant to give you free access to mom decisions in life." Now the friend wants me to make amends with her daughter so it doesn't hurt OUR friendship. Well, to me, NONE of that is true friendship and her daughter needs to grow up. And maybe the mother (my friend) does too. And maybe that's the only reason she has been around the last three months again. Hum?
    ustisasa

    Answer by ustisasa at 3:42 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • It sounds like they just wanted to see what they could get from you. True friendship doesn't work that way and her daughter's behavior is completely unacceptable. I'm sorry they've treated you this way. It's not right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I think that your friend needs to sit down with her DD & tell her to take a chill pill. She is just pissed because her expectations were set way too high. They don't sound like real friends & your DD is right, their help was not offered out of unconditional friendship, it was offered in hopes that they could get something out of it. Let her be pissed, there is nothing you can do. She is going to have to get over it on her own. There is no need to you to apologize, you did not do anything wrong. She will get over it. It may ruin your friendship with her mother though, Her mother really needs to sit down & talk to her & have HER apologize to you & your DD for harrassing her with those emails.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:23 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Thank you all, I feel exactly the same way, just doing a check though, because I know what true friendship should be and it really hurt to think "a friend" could behave this way. Thank you thank you.
    ustisasa

    Answer by ustisasa at 2:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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