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Please help me solve my dilema!

This is a long story but I'll try to be brief. I'm product of teen pregnancy back in the 70s. My father lived in my city but had almost nothing to do with me and started a life (married and kids). We had a relationship which started when I was 21 to about 26. I told him I was pregnant when I was 29. I got a couple cards. I invited the women in his family to my shower. No RSVP from them. The last contact I've received from him was a gift card (nothing written on it) which I received the day of my shower. My daughter will be 3 in April. He has not contacted us so I feel that he wants nothing to do with us. My question is do I even tell him about his 2nd grandchild? I change my mind about this every day. If I am to tell him I would tell him in a card and that would be my last contact. I feel like it would appear that I'm putting myself out there again & he doesn't deserve to know. Does he deserve to know?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • No, he doesn't deserve to know and I really doubt he even cares. Sorry, OP.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • i dont know if i would necessarily say he "deserves" to know. but if it was me, i think i would personally send a card saying i was expecting again. good luck though hun!

    Answer by lilianasmom1116 at 3:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I'd tell him. I see no reason NOT to.

    I'm for keeping the lines open. If he chooses not to use them, it's on HIS head.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Just send him a birth announcement.

    Answer by Gealach at 3:38 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would send him a birth announcement, but would have no expectations of him being a part of either of their lives since he has not shown that he wants to be. good luck!

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 3:40 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would send the announcement and no I would not say it's my last contact. Perhaps he has a savings account for your child and would cancel the account. You never know what's going on. Just tell him you miss hearing from him and hope he will stay in touch. Maybe he thinks you hold a grudge for him not being in your life before. I would treat him like all other "friends" and just send the announcement and a short note. He might have you in his will. Don't screw that up!

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:48 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • well he seems to be alright w/O you and your child so you just need to move on before he hurts you more....

    Answer by tiffandgene2009 at 3:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • No he doesn't deserve to know. He has made it clear that he is refusing to put forth the effort to keep a relationship with you and your family. If he cannot do his part as a father, then there is no reason you should have to do yours.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • My BF is in the same boat, only it's his girlfriend that is calling me to check on me, not him. I think he's scared to have the relationship with me, but because I'm not a little kid anymore, it's hard for him to decide what kind of relationship he should have with me. He is NOT a parental figure, and has only been out of his 12 yr prison sentence a little over a year.

    I, myself, actually in your situation (I have an 8mo DS he wants little to do with) I'd say he doesn't deserve anything from you. But my morals override my feelings every time. I feel obligated to let him know of drastic life changes, and leave the ball in his court. That way, 30 years from now, I can look back and at least, at the VERY least, say I tried.

    I would send a card, I would make it objective, "Hey, just wanted you to know...." kind of thing. I wouldn't go further than that, I'd let him come to you. Good luck!

    Answer by matobe at 5:16 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • And, if he doesn't, that's his loss. Children are a GREAT blessing!

    Answer by matobe at 5:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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