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Don't know what to do???

My boyfriend/fiancee and I have a really strong relationship and I love it.He's got 4 wonderful children and I myself have 1 daughter.He only has his children every other weekend and I'm by no means trying to act like their mother but I do intend on assisting their father in raising them,and as of late there father has given me the ok for helping with the disciplinary actions for the children which is where alot of my issues are coming into affect.The childrens mother does not wish for me to discipline her children in any manner and she has expressed this to me which I understand,but in the same aspect I don't want his children to run over the top of me due to the fact that I cannot do anything to have them stop and I'm beyond myself as what to do.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.Thank you.

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alaina_20

Asked by alaina_20 at 5:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (151 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • How old are they? I wouldn't allow my ex's gf to discipline my children either but then again I taught them to respect ppl so there wasn't a problem.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • i would not discipline them if i was you. i know you are with their father, but you are not their mother or their parent. you will cause more problems by trying to discipline them, and if his ex asked you nicley to not discipline her children, you should respect her wishes. if they are rude or disrespectful to you, your fiance should discipline them for it, and anything else wrong they do while with you. i grew up with step parents who wanted to discipline, and believe me - it did not work out well.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • well if the father is around all weekend while the children are there then it should be his place to discipline them...if he is not there and you are left to keep them by yourself then you have every right to do so.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 5:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would do it anyway. You've talked to your partner about it, and he's given you the 'okay' to do it. When they are dropped off, you, and your spouce are the the adults in their life for that time being. In that time they should know that doing wrong, and being bad will be punnishable. It shouldnt matter if it's their mom, you, or their dad. They should know that it's not acceptable, and that they need to learn.
    Their mother should want good kids, she should be supporting you, and even suggesting ways thats she feels comftorable on for punnishments. Try talking to her, or talking to your partner about what she's said to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • also if you are left with them you, your so, the ex should all agree on a punishment for the kids
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 5:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Let the mother know that while they're in your house you and their father are the diciplinary adults. That when the father has the children she cannot say what goes on if it does not harm the children. That's how I see it. That is your and your Fiance's house, not hers, and she has absolutely no say. He is the father and if he has allowed you to diciplin his children, then you have every right to.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:26 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • its not fair for you to be treated as a babysitter and not be able to punish the kids
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 5:27 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • You know what? If my stepdad hadn't been there to discipline me, I would literally be a mess. I would have grown up in a halfway house sharing my life with a dead-beat dad, would have been into drugs, failed out of school, and got away with lying to the police.

    I think that if it's your house, they should follow your house's rules. If they cannot abide by the rules, administer a proper punishment. If that means locking them in a room til their dad gets home to handle it or passing out extra chores or sending one to bed without dinner, by all means. Children should be raised to respect all authority, whether they approve, their mom approves, or not.

    I'd have Dad tell Mom that his rules apply, and when he is not there to provide discipline that you are, in fact, the authority, and if she doesn't like it, tough, they are at his house and until she starts paying the bills, she has no say.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 5:36 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I would leave it up to Dad as much as possible, but if they are not respecting you and following house rules then you need to set in and support Dad. Have Dad be very clear as the the house rules and what the consequences are, then when and if you need to say something the consequences are already in place from Dad, so it is hard to complain, you are enforcing Dad's rules, not you own.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 5:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • My sister had such a hard time because her husbands ex didn't want my sister to discipline her kids but my sister was at the house with the kids every day - after school, went to pick them up after school until dinner time - so finally she started too because she had no other choice. Their father was at work and when he came home, he wouldn't do anything about it. It ended up all working out anyway but it is a hard situation. If your fiance leaves you with them alone for a long time, then yes, I think you should be able to discipline them - any babysitter would be able to put kids in time-out and things like that. But if he's there, then let him do it. Especially just to avoid an argument/drama.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 5:51 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

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