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Does this sound right?

So my 10 yo son saw our family therapist for some recent behavior problems. She suggested that because he is surrounded by so many women in his family- myself and his 2 sisters, that his dad needed to step up to the plate to teach him "man" roles. So my dh explained that they have father son time every Sunday pal-ing around with different hobbies and fun stuff. She said it wasn't enough and is now telling my dh that he has to join a group with other fathers to show our son other men and their sons and what they do. Is it just me or does it sound like this therapist is telling my dh that he isn't doing a good enough job?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Dec. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • It sounds like she is telling him that he isn't doing a good enough job. Maybe you should make it clear to her that Sunday isn't the only time he sees his dad....

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • OP speaking: I thought so.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • Kinda sounds that way. But then again, if he is only seeing his son on Sunday's, then he should be doing more. It couldn't hurt the father-son relationship to spend more time together with other fathers and sons.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • maybe she means that your dh should teach your son some manly chores he can start doing around the house to feel more respected...maybe taking out garbage, tending to the animals, tending to the lawn, helping with vehicles, just showing him stuff he can do and needs to do.

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:51 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • What about sports? Is ds in any? That's an option then dad could practice with him and get that one on one time with him too.

    Answer by mom06and09 at 7:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • I'd find another therapist; this one may not be the right fit. I don't think a group situation is the solution for "lacking" one on one time. Also, I don't buy the "too many women" angle either. Having sisters does not make one misbehave; and the issue is behavior, not lack of "manliness."

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • sometimes clients of therapists take things the wrong way. If this were me I would ask her: Are you saying that my child's father is not an active participant in his life and needs to be more present? This is good feedback. She can clarify. What is troubling for me is the idea of "man roles." In a family that come for therapy it is not about what the therapist believes each person's "role" is and how it is fulfilled. Those are socially and culturally determined. The questions she should be asking is how does he see himself as a parent, what type of relationship does he want with his child, and how does he envision getting there. A therapist does not create change. That is a huge myth. They don't "fix" anything. The client/family does all the action and all the work. It is about how to facilitate that change. If you are not comfortable then tell her why.  Then shop around.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2009

  • i have a brother and he has 2 sisters and my dad was in the airforse so he was gone all the time and he is fine dont agree at all its not a bad idea to have just guy time for he 2 of them but i would look for someone else

    Answer by Duwanesmommy at 2:08 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • First I would find a male tharapist. Second unless your dh only sees son once a week she's barking up the wrong tree. Like another poster said growing up with women doesn't cause bad behavior. Not everything a child does is the parents fault and it sounds like this therapist has issues with men. Remember tharapy is not science per say, it has a scientific basis but is applied with liberal doses of personal oppinion and interpretation. It's not like going to a doctor for a disease, she can't just give you a pill and cure the problem. And there aren't always clear answers for behavior. Good luck to you.

    Answer by teamquinn at 11:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

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