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A $ question for all the SAHM...

How do you and your SO handle his paycheck? Do you have any money of your own, like do you get an allowance or something? DH is the only one working and I have access to his account were his paycheck gets directly deposited into but, I feel like I always have to ask him when I spend any money. For example I went shopping for some sweaters, mind you I have NONE, so he asks me before I leave how much I plan on spending and he looks at the account online. Then when I left the mall I went food shopping so he checks the account again to see I spent $100 and freaked out. WTH? Is this normal? WE are just getting back on our feet I realize this and we have to save money. However , I feel when he needs or wants something it's always justified. He went to his corporate Christmas party and bought a jacket that he "wanted" for $ 60 then we have a work dinner this week he spent $70 on a shirt and belt. So what do you ladies think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Not to excuse his behavior but I know as much as he loves me it was hard for him to all of a sudden be #1 soul bread winner. But, I cook, clean and take care of our son 24/7. I rarely leave the house unless it is to go food shopping because he works alot and we only have one car. He does help out alot in the house but seriuosly I think I should get an allowance or he needs to back of when it comes to things like this. So how do you guys handle your money situation? And what do you think I should do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • My advice is to find a way to make a little money for yourself. The allowance thing gets to be discouraging after a while and it's hard when someone is always tracking what you're doing. I figured out that I DID NOT like that after about 1 year. I got my own account and make money from home to help me feel a more independent. And, I get the much needed interaction from other people on a daily basis! This is just my opinion.....GL :o)

    Answer by KaceesMom at 1:49 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • we have always had a joint account, it didnt matter if i was working or not. I handle the money, the check is direct deposited it is our money and i dont ask if i can spend anything, I make sure the bills get paid and I make out our budget do the grocery shopping. If I want something that is spendy then I do talk to my husband about it, for example I wanted to spend about $60 on storage containers, I mentioned it to him just to let him know i was taking a little extra out but I didnt need permission or his ok to do it.

    Anytime he wants to spend money even if its $1 for a soda he always checks with me to make sure that he wont mess up our account. My husband prefers that i handle the money, he hates it and prefers to just have cash or for me to tell him how much he can spend each week without causing issues in our account. as long as everything is paid and we dont overdraft i can spend whatever i want.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:53 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I Hear you loud and clear... I went part time and I get very little money coming in...So when he doesnt give me money to buy food he gets mad when there is nothing for dinner. I cant cook what I dont have. I am really good at keeping it under $100 for a months worth of food... He has his checking account and I have mine which truly only has $30 dollars in it. He makes me feel really bad when I want something for myself or our daughter, but is was ok for him to buy a 52' TV and a $200 wall mount and a $400 fireplace , $400 tires for the truck...Went out drinking with buddies...then tell me we dont have any money...Well no shit! After just buying all that. Our marriage is paying the price. We have lost interest in each other and I am over it. Hope you get a good answer from someone because I will love the help too. Stay strong. that is really all I can say.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • DH is the budget man around here. He has always been like that since I have met him. And even though I respect that aspect the issue is two fold 1) I feel like my wants and needs are not important because I feel he spends when he needs/wants too and2) how he acts when I do spend money...aaargh.
    I have been trying to look for something to do I just haven't found anything yet...I don't really know anyone around were we live and we only have one car right now and DH works alot. So i would need something I can really do strictly from home. Any suggestions KaceesMom?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Anon 1:58 yea I definately hear you. I mean I can understand it's hard to have the weight of all expenses on your shoulders...I get that part but it should be an even playing feild I think. I am so used to being independant I am 33 yo and have been on my own since 17. i always had my own $ and paid my own bills so it's a really hard transition on top of all that to deal with his crap about it too. Hang in there...;-)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I have full access to all of OUR money, DH's name might be on the check but it's still our money. I don't ask him when I spend money unless it's just to make sure we have enough for it. I don't have to justify what I'm buying.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • 1:58 here... WOW! We truly are about the same person in the boat without a a paddle each...LOL! I moved out of my parents house at 17...and I am now 33... Had a great job...had my own house till I moved in with my DH. Also I was a flight attendant making great money till we guessed that we would be paying out half of what I would make to a baby sitter so I took a part time job to stay home with our daughter. You hang in there too... I have been doing it for a year and I have to say it is only getting harder.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I don'r have that problem. He works and we have a joint account and I take care of paying all the bills. He tells me when he wants something and I get it for him. He doesn't spend money except for a few dollars when he's at work. I tell him if we're low on money but otherwise everything is up to me.

    Answer by flaggot13 at 2:09 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • It's our money, 100% shared. DH and I both consider my job to be at home raising our daughter, his job supporting our family by working outside the home. We each have $25 a month for fun money, basically a no-questions asked allowance that rolls over. Otherwise, we have to talk about it and it comes out of the family budget.

    This is what works for me, and I'm glad it works for DH too, because I told him if it ever changes, I'll be getting a paying job of my own.

    Answer by tyheamma at 2:18 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

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