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Should I just leave this alone or address it w/the other Mom? What can I say to my DD to help?

My dd, 15, has been working on a group project w/3 of her best buds and another girl who hasn't been doing the work and has been very difficult in terms of agreeing to meet outside of school giving all kinds of excuses such as parties, cheer leading practice(she can't even, as she has a broken wrist). When they do all meet, she sits and texts and doesn't really do the work. No other group wanted to work w/her. My DD posted a comment on FB that said "You need to get your priorities straight". The girl told her Mom, who then called the teacher who addressed it w/my DD, saying things get misconstrued sometimes.
My DD was in tears as she is so upset at how this girl behaved all along and then my DD gets the rap for doing something wrong, although the teacher (and I) said you should've let me know before and they could have dealt w/it sooner. My DD is an honors student who's upset at how many people don't care about schoolwork.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • Well its' a tough lesson for your daughter to learn, but unfortuneately she will be dealing with people like that the rest of her life. It's hard, but your daughter has to learn to advocate for herself and that's by telling the teacher the problems she has with this girl. She and her friends need to say something and talk to the teacher about how to solve it. As a parent I would also talk with the teacher. Tell the teacher that the 3 girls doing the work should get full credit for it and the girl who isnt' doing anything should get an F on the project.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:44 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • let the girls continue doing the project without her and if they are doing a presentation or something let the girl that hasnt helped be in charge of the presentation (she will look stupid not knowing anything and the teacher will see that she hasnt had a hand in it) then your daughter can step in and present it.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:48 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I have a 17year old daughter in high school and a 22 year old daughter in college, both live with me and my 25 year old son comes and goes.

    Neither of my two daughter has a facebook or myspace. Tell your daughter to grow up and take responsiblity over what she did posting that comment. That was a two year old's temper tantrum not a hs honors student. It's better that the who's not participating well in group project be a part of the project and not work than be a part of the project and do bad work. Get the project done. The rest of the project work can still get a good grade cause the troublesome one isn't doing anything at all. Inform her of working days and times and she shows and does nothing or she doesn't show and does nothing. I'd tell my daughter to do this plus have your daughter and other kids in project group inform teacher of lack of participation by girl.

    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:48 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I wanted to add that this is not the first time I've heard of someone commenting on FB or in person to this girl about her behavior and her Mom going to the teacher or principal. She is just annoying to many people and seems to push them over the edge. Her Mom seems to think people have it in for her DD, but it's starting to be clear that she brings it on herself. Tough situation!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • My son dealt with two people like this in his chemistry class he told them to work and the teacher came down on him instead of them. I am in college and the Japanese class I took we had a study group where my friend Javier and I did most of the work in class prep and test prep. The others would be texting or just eating the snacks. Just tell her to keep working hard and take care of herself.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • So wait; if she's told the lazy girl in person while she was not helping at say a project meeting; "You need to get your priorities straight" that would be ok; but because the girl doesn't even show to said meetings; posting a msg to her FB was wrong? Would a private msg have been alright then? WTH?

    The girl is a slacker! Your DD maybe let her emotions take charge for a moment; but it's not like she tore this chick a new one she was actually IMO fairly mature with her statement.

    I'd tell my DD to get the girls who are working on the project and all go to the teacher; explain the entire situation and as another pp stated; this slacker girl should get only credit for what she did participate on or none at all. If she doesn't learn consequences now she never will; and it's obvious her mother isn't going to teach her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Unfortunately group work is a part of life...it wasnt until College that my professors started having us grade our peers and have that count as a portion of the grade for the entire project. That helps out ALOT! Honestly, your daughter should have told the teacher ALOT sooner about the girl not participating. And she need not worry about others priorities. I know it sucks if she had to carry extra weight for the project to be completed, but her concerns need to be her grades and her own priorities. Tell her to keep her head up and open her mouth at the begining next time. That way she can be moved to another group, or do something on her own!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:43 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • The other mom had no business getting involved. These girls are old enough to handle this, or go to the teacher themselves. We need to resist being hovering helicopter parents and lawnmower parents mowing down obstacles in our children's way.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:56 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • DD should have told the teacher not the world
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:26 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I would suggest the entire group, including the "slacker", meet with the teacher to discuss other options. Perhaps your daughter's group sechedule isn't convenient for everyone and the "slacker" would fit better with another group's schedule. One thing your daughter has or should have learned is to be careful what you post on Facebook. Once things are in "black and white" they are hard to defend.


    FYI - As a parent, I HATE when teachers assign group projects. It is very difficult for children from different homes to coordinate their schedules outside of school. 

    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 12:33 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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