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How do I handle the empty nest?

So sad, cry every day, lost job, can't find another, kids live far away, family lives three hours away, been to doctors, been on medication, friends have tried to help. Even got a new puppy who just peed on my chair, got to go I have some cleaning to do!

 
ROB5656

Asked by ROB5656 at 10:33 AM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (10)
  • This is a process, a new phase in our lives, we spend 18 years nurturing and then all of the sudden it stops, and it is overwhelming when you find that you are alone, the house is clean and quite, but you are not necessarily happy. Use your time to help others, volunteer, or if you have a man, take this time to reconnect. The puppy idea I think is good, there is nothing more comforting than a puppy to greet you and keep you company.
    If there is no man in your life, maybe this would be a good time to start looking for one, you are never too old for love! Hang in there mom, you still have the grandparent phase to look forward too!
    older

    Answer by older at 4:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Do volunteer work and/or go back to school. Find yourself. You have done for others for so long now it's your turn to do for you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:35 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • My kids are 18, 20 & 27. The oldest is in Baltimore, and the younger two are still at home in college. Even with the two at home, I'm feeling the twinges. I decided a couple of years ago when my youngest started college that I had to do something to prepare myself. I've slowly started doing some of the things that I've put on hold for years. I've been exercising, daily, and I've started writing again....before I started homeschooling I was a freelance writer. I'm enjoying writing, exercising, and taking care of myself again. I have time to paint my nails and curl my hair..........I also try to have lunch with a friend or a girls night out at least once a week. Be kind to yourself, you've done your job, and now you can do some things just for you!! Message me if you want to talk.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:38 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Move to where your favorite child lives or where your grandchildren live.

    I'm 52 and live with my 21 year old son in his house. I would hate living alone. Another son and my grandson live near. I did everything I could to make sure most of my family lived in the same city.

    If you can't move, what about getting a house mate. It would help with money and there would be someone around.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:40 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I guess I was different. I was happy my last DD moved out. It too a couple of months to get us to her not being their. But all in all I was (should say am) happy. I was/am free of the responsibility of kids. Now if my 15 year old Chihuahua (Joe) would just go to dogy heaven. Me and my DH would be totally free of having to take care of anyone else but us.


    I hope you start feel better about them being adults.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:41 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I cried for a year and the pain does go away. I would not take meds. for this, pain is not bad to feel, sometime it is a good kick in the butt to make us get our own live. Volunteer work did help me.

    Good time to get closer to your man.

    Things have gotten better but sometimes around the holidays I will cry and that is okay. This Christmas we are going to spend it with the kids and grand-kids :)
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:43 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • My three are 18 years old and 22yo and 25 yo. Look up different branches of the public library in surrounding towns and counties - they have FREE fantastic groups for adults day and night even sometimes weekends and New Year's Eve.

    4H is always looking for volunteers to help out in existing groups or bring together a new group.

    Girl Scouts too is always looking for volunteers and Boy Scouts too. Are you a swimmer? Is there a YMCA near you, teach a class of that or something else.

    Your time your talents of many being still a mom always a mom just now more free in time, are so needed in our world.

    Teach a nursery school Sunday School class or become a playground aide or a lunchroom aide.

    Kids can still be bigtime in your life. Share what your kids have taught YOU about life. You still have more to learn and share.
    Start a CafeMom's group on an interest of yours.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 11:09 AM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • ((((HUGS)))) I would say to volunteer, get involved in a cause. i am not there and probably won't be. My older 2 sons are 23 and 21 and have been out of the nest for some time now. One lives in WA state and the other is in TX (we are in OH) and then my younger 2 are high school seniors. The one is off to the Army after graduation and the other is off to college, 45 min. away, after graduation. Hubby and I have plans to travel and stay busy once they are out of the house. If you are married, now would be a great time to re-kindle those flames wiith hubby. ;-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • A puppy requires you to be indoors and although it’s needy is not always an easy fix for minor depression related to empty nest. You can take it for walks and teach it new things, but what you probably need more than a puppy is to meet new people and redefine yourself as something other than 'mother'. I'd go out and join a class, or try a hobby. If you're tight on money and can't afford such things maybe find a place to volunteer that would be enjoyable to you such as a senior living home, or hospital. Try to come up with ways to enrich your life through doing something for either yourself or others.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 2:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Aww honey I hear ya. Mine are 19 and 17. The 19 year old is in another state at college and the younger one is at college door steps. I thought I would grieve myself silly when our 19 year old left home. Actually we have become closer because we talk a lot more over the phone and emails. No longer is he the rebellious teen but a young man that loves his Mom and Dad and shows it all the time. I do hope some day to have our sons all within driving distance to us. But for now Mama do what I do. I volunteer a lot, I have book club and YES bunko along with other groups that gather and socialize. Nows the time for you to do what you like. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We all get down this time of year when our older children are out of the nest.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:33 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

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