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If your husband sexually assaulted you, what would you do?

Let's say you were getting sexually assaulted by your husband. Let's say you had no friends or family anywhere near you, and those you have are in no financial position to help you. Other than school, you are totally isolated and don't know anyone where you live. You don't have a job, and have no experience to get one, and you are in school so that you CAN eventually get a good one. School only lasts one more year so you want to finish. What do you do? Staying in a shelter might be bad for your kids, who are very young, and you don't want to leave school. Your kids are totally safe at home, but you are not. What do you do to get away from your husband but not damage your kids' lives and your schooling?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • No one can take in their daughter, sister, friend whatever, who is being sexually assaulted? Even if I was BROKE I'd take in my family. You can get a fast food job to help pay for your expenses while you're staying with them and stay in school. No experience needed for that. Get out. Seriously. Your children are NOT safe with a rapist in your home.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:04 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • there are resources that can put you in transitanal (sp) housing.... the house isn't safe if he is doing that to you... it is only going to get worse and break you down so you never leave... you need to be strong and set an example for your children... Call your local dshs office, they will help you... good luck and if you need to talk I'm here, I've been in a violent relationship and it is horrible... It ruined my self esteem and my self worth! Good luck Momma!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:05 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • call your local deparment of family and child services and ask if there are any safe homes near you..if they are in school durin the day they wont take them away from it .you will just have to get an order where he cant take the kids from the school.. some safe homes are great making it very nice for the kids...hope you can get help.. even though your married it can still be rape... it is a law..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • You ARE damaging your children by staying in a relationship like that. They may not see the sexual abuse but they feel the negative energy and they know something sinister is happening. Check to see if marital sexual abuse is a criminal act in your state. Call a domestic violence or rape crisis center and just ask what the laws are and what they can offer you. Don't speculate on what they can't do....find out what they CAN do for you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:06 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • your welfare and your child's should come first. get out while you can.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:08 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Ok, seriously, I am interested in knowning what you're considering sexual assult. Sounds like he is giving you a really good life, you're able to stay home with your children and go to school. Did he touch you when you didn't want it, or what? I'm very confused, he is your husband.. is this a one time thing? I don't mean to sound rude or ignorant, but I don't understand..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Years ago if your husband sexually assulted you it wasn't sexual assualt as a crime. A husband could do pretty much what he wanted to his wife.

    I was physically assulted by my husband while pregnant, I had no job. After I got out of the hospital I filed for legal separation. He had checked himself into a mental hospital so he wouldn't be arrested. He filed for divorce the day after the baby was born. I was left disabled from the time of the assult and eventually was able to get SSI back to that time.

    With support and other things I was able to work out we were able to stay where we were living for 2 years. Then I went back to grad school and we lived in family housing at a university. We lived either in university housing or section 8 apartments until my youngest child was 19.

    I was a single mother for all of my 21 year old son's life.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I'm w/ anon 1:09, did he rape you? did he force you do to things w/ a knife to your throat? He is your husband, how does your husband sexually assault you?

    My good friends mother WAS assaulted by her husband, but he was extremely abusive to her. He would beat her, & then force her to lay there while he had sex with her. This is the first think i thought of when reading your post.

    Is he also beating you?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I listened to my mother being sexually assulted by my father many times. He was not giving her a good life even if we lived in a nice home and had 2 cars. It was not a good life for my sister and I.

    If you feel you are in danger then you are not safe and your children are not safe. If a man would sexually assult his wife he would hurt his kids. He would hurt or kill pets. If he has a drinking problem or mental illness you don't know what he will do. Normal men do not assult the mother of their children.

    You may be able to get a lot more financial aid if you are single. If you look on Craigslist you may be able to find some kind of shared housing with another single mom where you and your kids get free rent and maybe even food in exchange for some childcare. I've done that before. You may find something right by your school.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:23 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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