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bitterness?

here's a serious question about overcoming bitterness towards your baby's daddy...how the hell do i do it???

 
islandmom85

Asked by islandmom85 at 1:17 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • it sounds to me like as hard as it maybe you need to put your foot down that it isnt his choice anymore, its done! then if in the future he proves that he has changed and grown up maybe you can try to work this out, but if you are pregnant now the stress of it all is not good for the baby, you dont have to be together to invovle him in the pregnancy, you can still infrom him of drs appts etc and allow him to go along, he can still be there when the baby is born. Its time to stop thinking about his needs and start thinking about your needs and the baby to bes needs, if you have a girl what advice would you give her?
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:25 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Maybe a little more information about your situation would make it a bit eaiser for people to help and mabye lend some advice. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • You do it for you baby. If you make it miserable for your baby daddy, baby daddy isn't going to want to come around you, therefore, baby doesn't see daddy anymore which in turn leads to baby daddy becoming a dead beat daddy! LOL
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 1:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • i must admit i don't really ask too many questions on here, but now i'm flat out frustrated. my ex is such a &%*@#&%^$!!!! i really want to use some serious foul language on here. he keeps going back and forth, toying with my feelings about getting back together and then second guessing that idea. i really love the man (if i can actually call him that), but he's so damn fickle. he has a crapload of growing up to do. i'm wondering if maybe now he needs to be alone (suffer) and then maybe after the baby is born, try to patch things up. *ugh* i have no idea what to do. ladies HELP!
    islandmom85

    Answer by islandmom85 at 1:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • yeah i'm sorry, i left out a whole bunch. sorry. it's sort of a long story. here's the abbreviated one....we used to live together in Fla and this past summer he cheated on me. at first he's wasn't sorry. so i came back up to NYS to be with my family. then about a month ago he started on with "i'm sorry i made a mistake". then when i get mad at him for what he did to me, he says forget it. he is such a jerk at times but then can sound so sincere. idk, maybe i should just forget it.
    islandmom85

    Answer by islandmom85 at 1:25 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Set a standard for yourself and for your child. Let him know what you want for your relationship and family and tell him you will take nothing less. Don't let him toy with you (eaiser said than done, I know), but maybe some time apart will give him time to think and realize what he has to lose. My hubby and I split for a while and he saw me in a new light after the fact. Stay true to him and always let him know you love him. We teach people how to treat us. Sounds to me like he is too comfortable kicking you around emotionally. He needs a big fat reality check. I say give him one.
    CaseyErin

    Answer by CaseyErin at 1:25 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I think it helps to focus on your life and building your own future. Quit have any expectations of him or you are bound to be let down again. Write down you feelings and tear them up or burn them..but dont send it...just get the hurt out of you and on paper. Realize that you being upset isnt effecting him it is only hurting you so you have to work on letting it go. Sometimes the best revenge is going on and living a great life. So put all that energy into something constructive and dont let him have that hold on you.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 1:28 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • wow i like that idea CaseyErin. i never really thought of it that way. he has been treating me like crap and i let him. omg i need to get myself together already. this baby is coming in april 2010, so i need to prioritize better. baby comes first.

    thanks to all of you. i needed this reality check even though it hurts like hell.
    islandmom85

    Answer by islandmom85 at 1:32 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Who is in the drivers sit of your life? Who gives a shit what he says he wants to do? Do what you must do for your own sanity, dump his cheating ass if that is in your child's best interest and yours. Don't let him hold the "daddy carrot" in front of you and make you waste years of your life. There are a lot of wonderful, strong women out there that have raised children on their own, you don't need him. I hope whatever you decide is best for your child and you.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 1:41 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Wow, it took me 30 yrs to get over that bitterness. He left me with 3 small kids and no child support.We doggone went hungry sometimes and homeless at other times while he lived very well. I finally realized I was still allowing him to control me through my bitterness toward him. I decided he wasn't worth it and finally let it go. It was only hurting me and not allowing me to be the best mother I could be. Convince yourself he's not worth the energy it takes to be bitter. Karma will give him what he deserves.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:57 PM on Dec. 16, 2009