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has your husband ever said anything like this to you?

we were talking the other day about a friend of his, a girl who he knew before he met me. she had moved away and he hadn't seen her or talked to her in over 10 years and she just moved back here.this was a girl that he used to like who never liked him back,and never knew he liked her. he met up with her a few times while she visited before she moved back, and he told me that when he saw her he wasn't sure how he'd feel, like if he still had feelings for her,what ever kind they may have been now. and him saying that made me wonder if all this time we've been together has he been thinking about her? we've been together for over 7 years, been together since high school.and i said, what about when we got married? were you still thinking about this girl? i mean if he wasn't sure how he'd feel when he saw her?he said 'when we got married i was almost 100% sure that i wanted to be with you'.said no,he wasn't thinking about her at all

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • wow! I'd be PISSED! No,my husband had never said things like this to me(thank god!)

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 1:38 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I don't think you have a reason to be pissed at all. It sounds like he was being completely honest with you and in all these years he hasn't searched for her or stayed in contact with her so why worry now? Moving away doesn't mean he couldn't have stayed connected to her if he wanted to. Let it go.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:42 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • until he saw her recently. and that he was sure now that he had no kind of feelings for her at all. and that he is 100% sure now that he wants to be with me. now i'm wondering, if he was 100% sure before of after he saw her. i can't ask him about it cause he gets defensive about it. i'm just wondering if any of you had your dh or so say that once before they weren't 100% sure about being with you, but they are now. before we got married we already had our daughter a year before. i feel like maybe when we got married he wasn't ready . like i said, we've been together since high school, and i was his only girlfriend. i think he felt like he didn't get to experience as much cause he was only with me, do you think thats what he meant by not being 100% sure? cause i didnt make him go out and buy a ring. and i didn't make him ask me to marry him. he seemed so happy on our wedding day, and now i'm wondering if he really was.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • i know i'm probably thinking too much about it, i just with he could have kept that bit of information to himself. cause its really making me start to wonder what the other percent was worried about, if eh wasn't 100% sure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • ALMOST 100 percent?????????

    Answer by SandraB383 at 1:46 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • what is this almost ,like you've been married and if this girl comes back in to the picture what the hell. Is he happy with you? Does he want to look her up? I would be not happy. I know that we think back about other people but those thoughts are only in passing not some hting you thought that you did the right thing. Tell he that you want him to be a 100% with you are it is over why would yopu want to be with someome who is like that.... I am so sorry but this sucks.Or maybe he has the 7 yr thing agoing on.
    Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • lol i think you are overstressing yourself. ALL people question if they are doing the "right thing"- i do that daily, for everything.. is the right thing to hang out with my SO, to make chicken for dinner- again, etc. and then i even question it afterwards. she might've been the girl that "got away" for him.. he might've had cold feet at the wedding... does he wanna give up his "freedom"/single life, to get married? to have sex with just one female for the rest of his life? to have someone be fully dependent on him (whether thats you... or any kids)? a lot goes into marriage... and now that she popped up, maybe he questions the what if-- what if she never left, would i be with her? etc. i say talk to him- ask if he's happy with you and if he says that he is, let it go. like another person said- he could've always searched for her.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • laughingMen can be so stupid sometimes. I'm sure he thought he was saying something good. Tell him to take his foot ouf of his mouth!


    Answer by admckenzie at 1:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • i am never 100% with my decision until after the fact and everything turns out good. he might be the same way-- that he's scared something will go wrong and questions himself. even if he's completely and utterly happy, he has a doom and gloom view on the future- which is why he questions it. its a shitty way to live, but people do live like that- i'll be the first to admit it... and since your guys' marriage isnt "after the fact" (and it probably wont be for another XX-amount of years), when he's on his deathbed- i'm sure he'll be like, "you know what- marrying my girl has been the BEST thing to ever happen to me. my life wouldn't have been complete without her".

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:56 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • op- we've been married for almost three years. he says he was only thinking of me on our day, and i believe him. but i know we settled down young. i got pregnant at 17( not planned at all), got married at 19, i just feel like he thinks maybe he missed out of having a life before marriage. he said me and our our daughter are the best things that happened to him, but i feel like i ruined his life sometimes. i know i was 100% i wanted to be with him when we got married, and even before that. it just really bothers me that he wasn't 100%. he says he is now, but i'm still hurt by what he said.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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