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why am i so jealous and how can i get over it?

I'm a sahm of a 3year old and a 4 month old. I'm finding myself really jealous of dh. I don't know why but I can't stand that he has other female friends. I know he's not cheating and would never dream of telling him who he can and can't be friends with. I just wish I wasn't so jealous. I find myself always looking at his myspace/facebooks to see the girls he's added or is is talking to. I'm going nuts. I'm sure one reason is cause I'm stuck at home all day. I've always wanted to be a sahm but I'm finding that I truely miss the working field and I think that's part of my jealousy. Dh comes home everyday at 1:30 so we go out after that but its always him me and the kids. I have no life outside being a mom. I moved away from family and friends to be with him (and I wouldn't change that for the world) but I'm just so lonely now.

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Asked by mom06and09 at 2:28 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • It sounds like you need to make some friends and find some new interests. Join a mom's group. If you are breastfeeding consider La Leche League. Check craigslist for moms groups. There may be info about stuff for moms and kids at the library. Do volunteer work that allows you to bring your kids along.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:33 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I check craigslist at least once a week and there's never anything about moms groups and I'm too unorganized to start one. But the library is a great idea I hadn't thought about. Ill have to bundle the kids up for a bus ride (and we will surpirse dh cause he's security guard at the bus station. That's another reason I get jealous he's a flirt where women come and go all day long)

    Answer by mom06and09 at 2:37 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • If you want to work, then go back to work. Do something that makes you feel worth something, and if that's bringing home a paycheck then don't hesitate to get back out there! I for one went nuts during my SAH stint, and I really hated mom groups etc. You are in charge of your life, do what you need to make you feel confident and everything else will fall into place (ie not feeling jealous). Good luck!

    Answer by prettyrayray at 2:42 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Have you ever told him how you feel? Maybe if he knows, he can try to reassure you a bit, and help you get past it. I don't generally get jealous, per se, but I do have my own issues and insecurities. If I tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling (which is like pulling teeth - he hates it when something bothers me, b/c I don't talk, I stew), most of the time he's able to say something that will reassure me that my feelings are completely unfounded. That should help with the jealousy over other women (I'm going to assume the jealousy is unfounded, since you say nothing to indicate you actually think he would do anything, and in fact, specifically say he wouldn't). As for the jealousy over him being out and about working and such, and you never being anything other than mom, why not have him watch the kids for an afternoon, say once a week, and go out by yourself? Browse the bookstore, go to a coffee shop, con't

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • whatever you want to do, just for you. Once a week, or every other week, or whatever, get a sitter and the two of you go out together, to dinner, a movie, or heck, even just get a hotel room for some peace and quiet minus kids. Once you have kids, it's all too easy to fall into mom mode and stay there all the time. Sometimes you have to push yourself and deliberately do things to remind yourself that you are still a woman and a wife, as well as a mom. Buy some sexy lingerie, buy a trashy romance novel, rent a movie that you would never watch with the kids and watch it when they're in bed, cook a romantic dinner for the two of you once the kids are fed and in bed. Join a book club, a quilting circle, scrapbook club, whatever you enjoy. It might take a little work, but in the end the results are worth it. You'll feel better and happier, which will in turn make everyone else feel better and happier, and the jealousy will go away.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:48 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • You have low self esteem and no self worth. This is your problem and will ruin your marriage if you don't change. Get into therapy and get out of the house sometimes. A bored person is someone who is too lazy to get out and do something. You control this and it will destroy your marriage if you don't fix it. Poor guy living with someone so insecure and boring. I am single maybe I should look him

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • i think its less about other females and more about the fact he is able to maintain other friendships while its alot harder for you to do and you even in a sense gave them up to be with him by moving, get in a mommy and me group and start doing play groups that type of thing or start haha talking to strangers at the playground, some of my now best friends where made that way

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:09 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Get a job or go to college. Get out of the house and it'll make you feel better. I stayed home for 2 years raising my child and it was the most depressing 2 years of my life (but also rewarding.) Dont' get me wrong.... I loved being able to spend that time with my dd..... but my self esteem was bad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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