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Why does my ex husband STILL have the ability to make me feel like crap?

It was in the 30's this morning & he allowed my DD to go to school in a tank top. I got on his case about it & he said he offered her a sweater, but my DD said she swears he did not, that he just told her to wear her coat if she gets cold at school. So, i shot him a text & told him i know he was lying. He texts me back and calls me a fat b!tch. I told him that he is a shallow human being. Even when i strongly dislike someone, i'm never that crude to them.

So then he keeps texting me, saying "your a far b!tch, your a fat b!th" Which i am TOTALLY not! I feel quite attractive at my weight.

Anyhow, it really has me down. Why does he STILL get to me? I guess if anyone called me that it would make me feel horrible. I get so mad that i allow his words to affect me. I can't wait for him to get his...i know that sounds horrible, but i wish he could learn his lesson...

 
samurai_chica

Asked by samurai_chica at 3:37 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 35 (74,081 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)

  • " I'm not hurt over the breakup, that was the best decision I've ever made."

    funny, because that was exactly what I was thinking. Unless a woman has lived through the horrors, most of them simply do not understand the head space that we come to reoccupy when a certain word, action or visual stimulation triggers a response. It is almost like being brainwashed, and in may ways, I guess it is. I know a lot of women who have claimed "Abuse" over their husbands asking them to be a SAHM, or not allowing them to spend money frivolously... To those of us who have lived through literal hell, in every possible sense of the word, it is disgusting.

    You shouldn't be defensive, honestly most of them do not understand, it is something you have to have experienced to comprehend. And I know you know exactly what I mean.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Clearly you have feelings for him, or you would not be affected by his words
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:40 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Don't have any contact with him. Did it do any good?

    The school should have a policy against tank tops. What's up with that?

    If you have joint custody he can send her to school in whatever he wants. Thats the way it is. If you want to make sure she is dressed ok you can go to school every day with clothes and check.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:44 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Need I to remind you that there is a child in the mist of all this childish behavior from both of you?
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 3:45 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • WOW! I've actually never been in love with him, even when we were married. I married him because we got pregnant & i thought it was the right thing to do, obviously it was not. So, that is completely not the case. But, i can understand why someone might think that.

    Trust me when i say that the man really disgusts me. If i had feelings for him, i never would have left him high & dry. I guess I'm just sensitive.

    So if a stranger called you that, it would not affect you because you do not have feelings for them? I doubt it.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:45 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • like you said... if anyone called you that, it would make you feel bad... i think it just feels worse when it is someone who know and have/had some sort of relationship with...and also the fact of knowing that he will HAVE to be in or life because of your daughter....maybe you just expected some sort of respect from him since he is the father of your child....
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 3:46 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • I don't think that telling him he cannot send my 8 year old DD to school in a tank top is childish, but that is JMO.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:47 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • thanks glam!

    You are right, i guess i expect more respect. I should have known to lower my expectations when speaking to him.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:48 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • He seems really bitter? What was the reason for the break up? Did you leave him for someone else? He could be bitter towards you IF that is the case. Just let the little things go and try to keep the peace.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • my ex was extremely abusive for many, many, many years... even now i find myself back in that "bad place" when he says something evil to me- usually in regards to my physical appearance. even though i know he is full of crap, it still gets me down. not because i feel any attachment, but because it reminds me of all the years of turmoil.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 3:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

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