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What do I do if my hubby turns me off?

My hubby was not my type at all. I usually went for preppy boys that dressed a certain way and acted a certain way, he was shy and down to earth when we first met, and he was a good ole country boy. He dipped snuff which I wasnt thrilled about, but was clean about it so I decided to overlook it. We have been married 5 years, and he has let himself go. He doesnt take care of his teeth and they are starting to get cavities and smell bad. He doesnt worry about showering frequently, etc. He has gained about 60 lbs. I hate to say it but I am embarrassed to be seen with him sometimes. Its not looks, its that fact that he smells, and grosses me out. I tried being nice, buying him new deoderant, toothbrushes and paste, body wash. Then being mean and flat out saying "You are disgusting, that is why we never have sex!" I am young and horny, and guys who look good and smell good hit on me and I want to have sex with them! Help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Dec. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I can definately see the dilema there. I had a problem with my husband's bad breath there for a while, but he fixed it by taking the hint. All I had to do was hand him his toothbrush and past. Clearly your hubbs doesn't get the hint or otherwise. Honestly, the way that I see it is .. You may love your husband, but there has to be a lot more then love in your relationship. You have to be attracted to him, you have to find him entertaining, and you have to want to be around him. To name a couple. You've lost two out of the three, so there's not much left after that. A lot of people say that if there's love there's a relationship, but I don't see that as the case. You have to decide if you want to keep fighting this or if you want to just walk away. I say give it another go and try to get him to better his hygiene. Maybe ask his friends to help you out in the fight.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:03 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • If all else fails and he still doesn't better himself. Ask yourself if walking away from the relationship is the better option. You guys clearly aren't intimate, you don't want to spend time with him, you're not attracted to him anymore, you're embarrassed to be with him. If you're losing everything you were with him with in the first place, what's left? Is it time to go? Only you can answer that. All the best!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:04 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • OP here. Thanks for understanding. I was afraid I would come across as stuck-up but that is not it at all. I love being around my husband, he is my best friend. We have so much fun together but I cant stand it when he comes home and takes off his shoes and climbs into bed. I keep a can of febreeze by the bed and spray everything down. He doesnt believe me that this is enough to make me cheat or leave, but I am dead serious! I have even tried to get his mom to talk to him but that is where the bad habits started so I dont know if that will help or not!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • its enough to make you cheat or leave? You knew he wasnt your type to begin with...have you ever heard of the saying "its hard to teach an old dog new tricks"...this is something he has probably done his entire life and you are probably just gonna have to learn to deal with it. If you are lucky he may change but i don't really see it happening without making him feeling like hes walking on eggshells. You knew what you were getting into.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • You know, men can be disgusting. That said, this situation sounds extreme. I would sit him down and tell him you need a serious chat. Then tell him what you've told us. Tell him you're attracted to other men who take good care of themselves. Tell him it's important he does the same not only for you/marriage but also for his health. The cavities and weight gain are bad news. If he refuses to listen when you've been CLEAR about your feelings, then he runs the risk of a cheating spouse. His not taking care of himself is not doing his part in a marriage I think. To me, it's disrespectful not to mention embarrassing. Also, refuse to go out with him when he smells like a pig. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Tell him to fix things or you will find a man who will.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:22 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • Dont cheat but he straight with him and if there is no imrovement over a decent period of time then consider leaving but remember I said "decent period of time" bc he has habits and they are hard to break so give him a chance to form some new habits and dont expect perfection over night. Look for progress and make sure you show him affection when you see that he is trying so he will stay motivated. Good luck
    tam84

    Answer by tam84 at 11:26 PM on Dec. 16, 2009

  • If you truly love your husband and enjoy his company, please do not leave him over this -- at least not before you explore other options.

    If this is a change, and he was not always this way (obviously he wasn't when you married him), his behavior and habits could be a sign of depression, or possibly some other health issue. I urge you to discuss this with him (be calm, avoid being accusatory, and encourage him to communicate openly), and get him a full checkup at a doctor's office.

    If it turns out not to be depression or another health issue, offer him the option of couples' counseling. If he is unwilling to go... then at least you made an effort, and he will be the one giving up on your relationship, not you.
    lalimalina

    Answer by lalimalina at 2:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

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