Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Girls and Porn?

My 11 year old daughter was caught doing a search online for porn. Because she is still young, she was searching for the word SEX, with whatever other words attached to it. For example, one was Spongebob Sex.

She was grounded for 2 months from the computer. We have caught her doing this before, and I tried my best to talk to her about it then. I am at a loss, what else can I possibly do to get it through to her that those types of searches are inappropriate and unacceptable? Help?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (15)
  • How times have changed...I remember looking it up in the dictionary :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • i looked it up when i was 12 at a friends house...except she knew of some actual porn sites.

    i think its fairly normal....though of course not acceptable.

    have an open discussion with her and tell her if she has any questions that she can ask you.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:42 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Is she curious about sex, or is she actually looking for porn? There's a difference....

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:47 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Unfortunately it seems normal to me, as well as very normal on a psychological level. At that age I had found my moms naughty books (like penthouse letters) & was reading them on a regular basis. The best thing you can do is sit down & talk openly with her & make yourself available for any questions she may have (even if you think she's too young, if she's curious it's better she get the correct info from you than from the internet or friends).

    Answer by WannabeMommy87 at 12:49 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Adelicious... OP here- I am not sure if she is just curious or if she is looking just to look. I do remember a time when I was her age, I stole my dad's Penthouse and shared them with the neighbor boy. I was naturally curious. But I just don't know in her case.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • i think its normal for a girl to be curious....i had my first orgasm at 13 (anod not through sex, it was completely accidental and i didn't even know what is was at that time!) i know, TMI, sorry...anyways, like others have said, just sit down and talk to her. the bookstores have great books for her age group discussing how her body is changing. it might just be that she's feeling changes in her body, such as arousal, and doesn't know how to deal with it or what it means. Let her know that you do not approve of her looking it up on the net and she should come to you or talk to a dr who can answer her questions truthfully, and not possibly find some BS answer online. I was embarrased when I started "growing up" but i knew my mom was the best person to talk to because she had already gone through it (plus i didn't have any sisters to talk to)

    Answer by CTC7122006 at 1:04 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • oh, i wanted to add, also don't expect ehr to tell you everything, especially not right away...but once she realizes that she can come to you and you won't embarrass her or make fun of her, she will open up to you more as time goes on

    Answer by CTC7122006 at 1:06 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Maybe some more conversations with HER are in order? I have not discussed this yet, nor have I experienced it. But, sex, even though I find it too old of a subject for my children, has become mainstream. I will discuss everything that comes up with my kids. I am going tomorrow to buy condoms and a cuke for my son to teach him how to use them. (I SERIOUSLY do not want him having sex. ) But it will happen eventually and I want him prepared. Same for my daughter. I want her to know what is going to happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I am not sure that punishments for normal curiosity are the right path. Instead, ask you daughter what she was looking for and why. Work to improve your relationship with her so she comes to you first, instead of seeking information on her own. A wonderful reference book for women is called Our Bodies, Ourselves; I strongly urge you to either borrow a copy from the library, or buy a copy.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:08 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I think that curiousity is normal at that age. They see things on tv and kids talk. But I also agree that it is not acceptable for her to be searching websites. First, I would open the lines of communication and discuss sex with her and let her know that she can ask you about it. (It may not happen right away but if she knows you are understanding she will ask) Then I would block the computer of these sorts of sites, so she CAN"T be on there searching them. I'm not sure how to do it but I know it can be done. I would also NOT ground her for being curious, but let her know that you do not want her searching this online and that if she does it again she will be grounded, and that she is being grounded for breaking the rule NOT for her being curious. She needs to understand that she can talk to you and that her curiousity is normal but the computer is not how to learn about it.

    Answer by sue118 at 10:34 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.