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What do I do with a 17 year old daughter that every time we see each other we argue

Me and my 17 year old daughter cant seem to get along we bump heads every time we see each other we cant seem to even have a conversion without argue every time she is realy nice I find out she has skipped school that day and me I just argue with her about everything

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nicole94

Asked by nicole94 at 2:20 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (10)
  • sounds like me and my mom up until i was 21..my mom and i always argued/butt-heads. we saw the world in two totally different perspectives, couldnt see eye to eye on anything..i think alot of it had to do with the fact that she had me when she was 35...and 35 years is a big age difference, especially with the world changing how it is. your daughter is 17, shes not a baby anymore..i mean i dont know what your arguing about, what kind of kid she is etc, but, maybe you need to give her more freedom? not be so strict?? its no so bad to give in once in a while..take her out for lunch one day, or go shopping..spend time together..thats all i wanted my mom to do with me, but she didnt..and it got to the point where she kicked me out at 17, and then 4 months later i ended up moving across the country (went from vancouver, canada, to buffalo ny) to be with a guy i met online..all just to prove to my mom i wasnt a baby!! i ended up...
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 4:50 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • staying in buffalo for a year, when i came back home, i was almost 19..i moved out again, and then at 20 i got pregnant, and i needed my mom!! bf left me when i got pregnant, and i couldnt afford to live on my own with a child (i worked at mcdonalds)...so i moved back in with mom and dad and things got good between us...and have been for the last 6yrs..were more like friends now..we still dont se eye to eye on stuff...but..she sees that im a woman now..and i can/have to make my own decisions. obviously im not saying you daughter will do what i did..but, she could do her own version of trying to prove something to you..so i dunno, but ya gotta figure out whats gonna stop the arguing...try compromising with her..again, its kinda hard to say what to do considering i dont know you 2 argue about.....
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 4:58 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • You said it yourself in your question..."and me I just argue with her about everything" You are the grown-up here and can control your mouth better than a teenager so do just that, control your mouth and don't argue with her. When she wants to argue don't oblige, walk away and go into another room. When you have to punish her for something she has done, just punish her and when she tries to argue with you say "No, I am not arguing with you. I gave you your punishment for disobeying me (or whatever) and this discussion is over." And walk away!!!!! So many parents forget they are the parent and NOT the friend. Be a parent and the adult!!!!
    RiverPhenix

    Answer by RiverPhenix at 8:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • are the arguments important things or little stupid things.? if its important just listen to her story then ask her questions,why ,how when and where.Then after you hear her out and get your answers answered. Then tell her how you feel in a calm relaxing way liker your having a conversation. instead of starting an argument.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:18 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I think it comes down to the parent picking their fights. I fought with my mom constantly from the time I was 13 until she kicked me out at 18. Moving out of the house was the best thing I could ever have done, because there wasn't the opportunity for her to fight with me over the little stupid things that used to rile me up.. cleaning my room, setting the table wrong, not cleaning the house properly, staying out too late, etc...... There are certain things that are important, and certain things that really in the long run don't make that big of a difference in a teenager's life.
    Living 2000 miles away from my mother I can say we have a great relationship now. She used to control my life, now she has very little control, and I feel much better knowing that I can do things my way without her 'input' about it.
    Sometimes it just takes a little growing up. Now that we are both adults, things are much much better. She sees me as
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 10:42 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • an adult who can handle myself and my own problems. It's taken a while to get here, but it does happen!

    I would say for you, try giving her some of that independence she wants so bad. Pick your fights, figure out what is really important and what you can let go. Tell her about your feelings on a subject, but don't try to force her into your way of thinking. Give it time, let her figure the lesser things out on her own and chances are in a year she'll come back and tell you that you were right!
    Stand your ground on the important stuff like not skipping class though.. and make sure she knows the REASONS behind it.
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 10:44 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • 8:57 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 by: RiverPhenix
    You said it yourself in your question..."and me I just argue with her about everything" You are the grown-up here and can control your mouth better than a teenager so do just that, control your mouth and don't argue with her. When she wants to argue don't oblige, walk away and go into another room. When you have to punish her for something she has done, just punish her and when she tries to argue with you say "No, I am not arguing with you. I gave you your punishment for disobeying me (or whatever) and this discussion is over." And walk away!!!!! So many parents forget they are the parent and NOT the friend. Be a parent and the adult!!!!

    This!!^^^
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Well it depends...what do you argue about? How things go in the household? Chores? I say you both have a long calm talk and see what's going on. Maybe you both can just understand better somehow...!
    mommyoftoddlers

    Answer by mommyoftoddlers at 11:41 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Don't argue.

    She's the child, you're the parent, take control. If she doesn't like the rules, oh well. Tell her to start paying rent if she wants to "do whatever she wants". If she insists on skipping school, go to school with her. No joke. Parents used to do that with kids who were skipping school, acting up in class, etc
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 1:07 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • takes two to argue. takes only one to set rules and not debate them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

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