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what would you do

my dd has been dating a boy for around 3 mounths now and she kept it a secret for that time as soon as i figured it out i found out why she was keeping it a secret shes 16 and hes 21 i dont no what im gunna do my DD is very opinionated and wont listen to anyone but her big brother(20) but he just says go for it kid it really makes me wanna rip my hair out

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tenlizzy

Asked by tenlizzy at 3:32 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (14)
  • I live in a small town so I would call the sheriff and ask him to have a chat with that young man about the consequences of entering into a sexual relationship with a minor. She is not legally able to consent and he will be branded as a sex offender for the rest of his life. He probably hasn't thought it through very carefully. I'm not talking about filing charges at this point, just having someone point out to the boy what the legal ramifications are.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 3:53 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Hmm...I started dating my DH when I was 16 and he was 20....it really depends on your daughter's maturity level and her confidence too. Perhaps boys her age are too immature for her? I always felt that way. I'd set up an evening for him to come over for dinner so you and your DH can meet him and see what you think from there. He could be a very nice person who treats your daughter well. If not, well, trying to run him off might just make your daughter more determined to see him. The fact that she's been able to hide this for 3 months proves she's a smart cookie. Meet him and go from there. If he won't come meet you that'll be your first sign he's no good....good luck mama!
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 4:28 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I REALLY like sgtdemanda's response!!! I have to remember that if I am ever in that situation!!
    RiverPhenix

    Answer by RiverPhenix at 9:00 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Invite him over. and make sure he knows how old your daughter really is. And see how he reacts from there. She might look older than she is to him. or maybe your daughter told him she was ust to make sure that this boy knows what he's getting into. gl
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:06 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Like the lady above said...you should try to meet this guy and see for yourself how is is and acts. Have you asked her if he is aware of her age? She might have lied about it! Good luck...keep us posted?
    mommyoftoddlers

    Answer by mommyoftoddlers at 11:48 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Depends; if the age of consent is not 16 in your state then I'd call the police; it's illegal; period. I don't care about who did what when and how it worked out for them. If the law says a 16yr old can not date someone over the age of 18 then he is breaking the law. Do you want your child with a law breaker??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • This is illegal in so many states. I'd have a talk with him to make absolutely sure he knows her correct age and how much trouble he can get into. I don't believe for a second that a 16 year old could possibly be mature enough to have a relationship with a 21 year old. And as for him, no decent 21 year old man has a relationship with a 16 year old, and TBH he must have a clue about that since she still lives with you and he hasn't been there when you're there. Yo u have to stop this now before, sorry to bring this us, they start sleeping together if that hasn't happened already.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • so i invited the boy over like maney of u said to do his name is justin by the way and he looked at me he didnt even say Hello he just looked at me and said im wrong the mexican mafia smiled at me and made himself right at home i guess i shouldnt really be so worried because i no if he ever even thought about hurting her her big brother would murder him in the voilest ways but... i dont no shes my secound youngest daughter ugh its just so hard
    tenlizzy

    Answer by tenlizzy at 12:43 AM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • If this were me I would end this right now. I'm not a prude and I am not one to worry about sexual activity...but there is a huge difference in maturity level, experience, and ideas about relationships and sex at their ages. If she was dating someone her age or a year older it would not be as concerning to me. They have more of an equal playing field. A 21 year old has had several more years of experience and the question I have is: Why can't he find someone more around his peer/age group to have a relationship with? Does he need someone so much younger and so much less experienced so that he can have the advantage? I'm sorry, perhaps this 21 year old might have good intentions, but in general I would be very cautious and doubtful. So personally I would not allow this to continue and I would say NO. Period. She can fuss, yell, protest all she wants but the answer will remain NO.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:13 AM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • When DH and I started dating I was 16 and he was 22 and believe me I have always had the "upper hand" in our relationship. BTW been together 20 years this month
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

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