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how many of you...

ok i have a question, how many of you arent married to your SO?

i personally am not married,im 24 and i have been with my kids father for over eight years they are seven and five. i had my daughter at 16 and my son at 18...

but to be totally honest, i feel like were married, i mean were commited to each other and we live together and pretty much treat our situation like we were married, just without the piece of paper to say so...mainly because we havent had the money to get married yet...but i have read alot of posts on her bashing women that have kids and arent married. i am not judging anyone as everyone is entitled to their own opinion i just wondered what the big deal is? we both love our kids and each other(most of the time lol). so whats everyones opinion?

 
MamaSusieQ045

Asked by MamaSusieQ045 at 8:45 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,048 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I personally don't agree that you have to be married to have children together. Marriage is simply a legal arrangment that shows the state that you two are bound together in all ways. A relationship, whether legalized by state or not, is in every way the same as a marriage. The only difference is you will not recieve the same benefits from the state that a marriage couple would. There are many people who are in a happy relationship, have kids, and are perfectly commited yet were never married. It is up to you and your SO whether or not you want to be married. Nobody should make that choice for you, and it is perfectly fine to be in a relationship with children without being married.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:46 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I wouldn't have kids with a man without being married to him. If I'm good enough to have his kids, then I definitely should be good enough for him to marry. And that's what I always think when I see a woman who's not married and has kids with a guy is that he doesn't want to marry her for whatever reason and why would she let him use her (yes, I know it's judgemental and there are a variety of situations).
    Also, I wouldn't subject my kids to growing up with unmarried parents. Society in general does look at it differently. Marriage licenses don't cost that much money, and there are a lot of legal and financial reason to get married.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:49 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I am married, and though I don't bash those that aren't married with children, as my sister is in that category, the reason u give (lack of money) is not a good one because you can easily and cheaply go to the justice of peace.

    Some reasons to consider getting married are the benefits such as, if your SO was to die and has a pension plan, you will not be eligible for the survivor benefits unless you are legally married. Also, neither one of you will be eligible to collect social security survivor benefits. And if something were to happen, who'd be the next of kin for either of you? Not each other. If you're in the hospital and one of you wants to be the one giving approval of certain things, you can't legally. So those are just a few you may want to consider. Other than that, to each it's own. It doesn't really phase me.
    LadyEb

    Answer by LadyEb at 8:55 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • (thanks for not judging)

    that is all i really wanted to know when i asked this question, why people feel the way they do about different situations...i cant judge anyone for their choices because i wouldnt want to make anyone feel like they were making a bad decision when its really is no business of mine.

    oh just to claify im not using money as the only reason not get married, yet i know it probably sounded that way but that isnt my whole reason...

    thanks for your opinions!
    MamaSusieQ045

    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 9:01 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I am not married, I am with the father of my son and soon to be son, but were not married. We are engaged, we will be married March 15th.
    Ad3n_M0mmy01

    Answer by Ad3n_M0mmy01 at 9:03 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Ad3n, just wondered how long have you and your SO been together, and congrats about the up coming wedding!
    MamaSusieQ045

    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 9:11 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I am not married but am engaged. My now fiancee told me when we first started dating that he didn't know if he would ever want to get married after what his ex wife did to him and if he did it wasn't going to be for a very long time. well about 7 weeks ago I had my beautiful little girl and after we brought her home the next morning he asked me to marry him. though we don't have a date set yet.
    jessiesosore

    Answer by jessiesosore at 10:49 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • you are married girlie! dont let anyone bash you, how many girls who get pregnant at 16 can make the relationship last? not many dont let others tell you different
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:13 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • mommie2twogirls:

    THANKS!
    MamaSusieQ045

    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • You are just like me girl. I have been with my man for over nine years. We have a 7 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. We also live together. We havent got married because it is expensive to freakin' get married...lol. I mean one day we will, but not right away. We too love each other and our kids and consider us married. However, we kinda actually are. There's a law called, Common Law Marriage. Common law marriage is a marriage that results from the actions of a couple, despite the fact that they have not obtained a marriage license or fulfilled the requirements of a state's statutory marriage laws. This typically means that the couple has cohabitated for a period of time, usually a year or more, while having an agreement to be married and holding themselves out to the world as husband and wife......So you see, you dont need to have a peice pf paper that says you are married, cause girl.....you already are! :)

    vdr1983

    Answer by vdr1983 at 3:24 PM on Dec. 17, 2009