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How do you tell your spouse you are in love with somebody else?

I know, I might get bashed for this but I really need some sound advice without judgment. I have been married for 2 years, been with DH for about 5. Long story short, we never had a good relationship, he was constantly cheating, out all the time and never really cared for the kids or me. I ended up meeting somebody, by mistake...I wasn't going out looking for anybody, and we developed a friendship which turned into a relationship. This guy knows what my husband has put me through and wants me to leave, I'm not ready financially to be on my own and want to think things thoroughly before making a decision. I dont want to leave my husband for somebody else, I want to leave for myself and my girls. I just dont want to keep hiding this guy, I dont know if I should tell my husband or not.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:21 AM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • uhm... yea. you definitely need to tell him.
    lilianasmom1116

    Answer by lilianasmom1116 at 9:26 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Has it been awhile seeing this guy if so then make that change but if you just met him all that you are feeling is happy, good feelings not to mention this guy is making you feel yourself. So if this guy is ready to take you and the girls in then this is the man. I met my dh too without even looking for anyone and now we married with kids I would not change that.
    So wait awhile and see what happens and do alot of praying ask God for direction and strength. And go with that gut feeling. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:29 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I wouldn't tell him until you are ready to leave. It will be hell for you otherwise. Or he may decide to leave you over it, before you are ready. I think you should put the relationship with the other guy on hold until you leave hubby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Wow, I understand how much turmoil you must be in, but the grass is usually not greener on the other side, I would develop a plan to leave DH and as soon as possible, you need to be very careful because even though he has cheated etc,,you need to protect yourself. I would consult a lawyer and see what you could expect in child support and such, good luck and I am sorry your going through all of this!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:44 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Yes I think you should. He needs to know there is competition and given a chance to fix things at home. Even if things cannot be fixed at home it's honest and he knows what's up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:26 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I agree, The Grass is NEVER Greener. I have been here and done that. The one I left for ended up being a Bigger jerk...
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 10:29 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • If your marriage is not working, you need to tell your hubby. It takes TWO people to make a marriage. I also think you need to come clean with hubby about your affair. Then once all is out in the open you 2 need to sit down and discuss what to do next-- either try to fix the marriage with counseling, or separate for good. I would also put the other man on hold for now-- and re-evaluate that relationship again later-- like once you are free from your marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • You already explained the reasons that would justify you leaving your husband. None of which had to do with this other guy. If that is really how your husband is, then you should've left him a long time ago. Explain to your husband how you feel he has treated you and your family over the course of your relationship. Let him know that you don't wish to be with someone who is like that. If the relationship isn't healthy, especially if you've strayed to someone else, then there isn't any reason you should be in the relationship. I think you already know what you need to do. Just sit your hubbs down and talk things through with him. Stay calm, even if he gets upset. He's already been unfaithful, so he has no room to judge you.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:39 AM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Nice how you are trying to justify your bad behavior by making up stuff about him. Sound just like my mom when she left my dad. Said he cheated and did all kinds of things wasn't true but it got her sympathy and people said her cheating was acceptable. If he really is the dog you claim should not be that hard to just tell him. I think you are lying about him and that is why it is hard to tell him he has been good to you and you feel like the scum you are.

    Tell him and let him have custody of the kids you can be with your whore and live your life free of them. You will be trash but free trash.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • i have to ask, if your relationship was never good and hes always cheated etc why did you marry him. I would think two years in to a marriage things should still be in a honeymoon type phase, I really think that you are trying to come up with reasons to justify your behavior, Im not saying your lying about hubby, but why didnt you think to leave him BEFORE now? if he is really that bad is this the exsample you want to set for your daughters? gee, babygirl its ok if a man treats you like dirt as long as they are paying the bills? sounds like you need to take a step back from everyone invovled, hubby and i guess ill call him boyfriend and figure out what is best for you and your girls, maybe go stay with mom and dad for a bit until you can put on your big girl panties and make an adult decission. sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes thats what it takes to get people to see what they need to see
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:55 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

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