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Do you think he is at all right in thinking this ?

Ok. I have always been really close to my family ( parents, grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. ) We lived with my mom and dad for 3 years until we were able to get our own house....we live right down the street from my grandma and grandpa...

Well now we are trying to buy another house ...we found my dream house and at the time my husband said he loved it too, we even got approved for more money that what they were asking for it. Well now my husband said no we are not going to live there, first he said he wants to wait, save more and get a better house...well now he wants to move to another town to this crappy little house he found on the internet....his reason -- he wants me away from my family! He actually says...you need to act like you dont have anybody, and he gets mad that I talk to them everyday. I can understand maybe some people would get annoyed if they were constantly here and * continued*

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (12)
  • and constantly on the phone with them, but it isnt like that...they come over every once in awhile, and if I need them they are here...I do tak to them everyday ( not all day ) but he talks to his mom everyday too ! I think e is being selfish because hey have done soo much for us -- they have given us alot fo things, payed for alot of things...sometimes he acts so lazy, wont go to the store or something, well they do for us -- he wont let me get my drivers lisence, so if we moved there I would be stranded...I think maybe he is trying to be in control, but it isnt going to work, it is just makes me resent him and is tearing us apart...he comes up with the stupidest reasons to not let me do things....

    Do you think he is being reasonable, thinking I should be able to talk to my family everyday or that I should act like I dont have anyone ? I dont even know why he is acting this way !!!! I am afraid I am going to go off on him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I think moving out of town is a bad idea. Family offers so much support, through the good times and especially during the bad times. Also if you have children, what better environment that with a big loving extended family.

    Also, dont let him alienate the relationship you have with your family. He may want to isolate you to have you all to himself, but thats a curtain for control. As long as your close to your family, you are strong, but by yourself, you are all by yourself.
    a_la_sexi

    Answer by a_la_sexi at 4:17 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Your DH is trying to control you like a little kid. It is a form of abuse. If you do not watch out he will do more then that.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • My guess is there's something else behind this and that your husband is not actually as huge of a jerk as you may think.
    My suggestion: Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger. It changed my life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • The fact that all of a sudden he thinks you need to separate from your family because you depend on them too much is sending up red flags!!! I would look at every aspect of this move. Is it any where near either of your families(some where in the middle), or not near any one either of you know. The reason it sends up red flags to me is because if it is no where near either family, then he's trying to isolate you. Most men isolate for control, and when you start fighting that control then they go to more drastic measures to obtain and keep it. I would ask him why he chose this town and read his body language, listen to his tone, look at his facial expression because the answer lies there regaurdless of what he might be saying the reason is. Good luck, and best wishes!!! Pray on it(if your a woman of belief, if not it wouldn't hurt to try!).
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 4:33 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • No it is atleast 30 mintues from anyone we know... it is closer to work by like 10 mintues...but that isnt really a problem where we live now... when I ask why he wants to move there he says - because I need to act like I dont have anyone.... that is why I am so mad and confused -- I dont even know why he is saying that... He just started saying he wants to move there is we just started looking at houses... there are alot we looked at and liked here and he never even looked at the one he wants to buy there...he just seen online pictures and it is a dump ! I do feel like he is trying to isolate me from them...but he is being stupid about it...what if we had an emergency...he works 3rd shift so I would be alone ( with the kids) at night and I do not drive...We know absolutly no one from there...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • "he wont LET me" are words that should never come out of your mouth. That is just crazy. You are waaaaay dependent on him that it is scary to think of him isolating you that far from any one.
    You are on the path to abuse.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 4:40 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • bet you $20 he has a girlfriend in that next town over
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • It sounds like he's controlling you. Run, do not walk, to the nearest counselor and seek marital help. if he refuses to go, do what needs done.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Sounds like maybe you need to cut the cord a bit from the family, although I am disturbed by the words "he won't let me". I think you need to get a babysitter and have a long, long talk about what is bothering him, one thing is if the bank is willing to give you more money for the house, maybe he is worried about finances? Good luck momma, and take care!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:54 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

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