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What to do about in-law situation?????

My brother-in-law, whom I cannot tolerate, lives across the U.S. from us (thankfully!) Now my widowed Mother-in-law (his and my husband's mother) is thrilled because he's quitting his job and moving back in with her. She is so desperate and lonely for company now that her husband has passed away that she told him she'd support him if he'd do this. He is a slacker who is jumping at the chance to not work and be supported. Also, he drinks, smokes to excess and does drugs. The reason I'm upset is that I don't want him around my kids now that he's moving closer to us. I think he's taking advantage of a situation here and I don't know what to do about it. My husband agrees with me. I'm thinking I'll just have to avoid visiting at all costs, and esp. letting the children go visit. What else can I do?

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Asked by BunnyButterfly at 7:57 PM on Dec. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • You need to mind your own business! Don't keep your children away from their grandmother just because you dislike your bil. Have your husband take them to visit her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • There is nothing you can do or say to your MIL. Period. Neither can your husband. This is her child and her decision on how she supports him, how she spends her money, and who lives with her. Even if it is not healthy for her she is a grown woman. You can control who you see and who your children are around. This may mean not visiting Grandma at her home and inviting her over to yours. If she asks then you can be honest, "I have concerns about my children around someone who is drinking and smoking in front of them." How she reacts is not your problem, its hers. The most important thing is you and your husband should be on the same page on how to handle this. Since he hasn't moved in yet just take it one day at a time. Don't anticipate it being a drama mama situation. Don't do drama but do hold firm on your limits.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:14 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • So I take it she lives near you then? Well, it isn't fair to deprive your children of their grandmother, but at the same time I wouldn't want my kids around that kind of crap either. It is her business if she supports him/lets him freeload, but it is your decision if you don't want him to have anything to do with your kids. It is awesome your hubby agrees, which makes it so much easier. You don't have to let him visit at all. And if you want to take the kids to grandma's, make sure he isn't around. If he throws a fit b/c he wants to visit, have your HUSBAND him to quit being a jack ass and grow up! Drinking, drugs, etc is UNACCEPTABLE. We went to visit my FIL and SIL and they were both drinking/smoking.. so we packed up and went and stayed with other family (out of state sucked but was so worth staying elsewhere!) Plus, grandma can come visit you guys. Best of Luck!!! (My FIL and SIL suck by the way! Lol I relate)

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • i agree and disagree, i dont think you can really say anything to her however i do think hubby has a right to look out for his mom, maybe hubby needs to kindly let her know whats going on, maybe she is turning a blind eye to it and if you hubby sits down with her and tells her whats going on and maybe says something like i will support what ever you decide but i felt you should be aware of these things first, maybe suggest to his mom that if she wants him to live there maybe tell him she will take care of his needs but she is not supporting drinkink, smoking, drug, gambling habbits. just make sure if hubby says anything he approachs it very carefully and also dont deprive your kids of grandma because of this man, make sure you are there when they are and supervise what is going on and being said around them, i doubt grandma would let harm come their way good luck

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:01 AM on Dec. 18, 2009

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