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How would you handle this?

My DH and I are TTC and I have been thinking about my mother in law. You see she sexually abused my DH when he was little. My DH and I plan to let her see the kids when we are with them only. She has said a couple times that she wants to watch them during the weekend when and if we have children. I just dont know how to tell her that I and mt DH do not trust her alone with the kids at all. How do you bring up something like that and not hurt her feelings? Any insite would be great because this has been bothering me greatly. I have told my DH that he has to talk to her about it but I can see that it is going to be a difficult conversation.

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babyfacegirl777

Asked by babyfacegirl777 at 8:59 PM on Dec. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • I would not allow her alone with your children and I wouldnt worry about hurting her feelings! She is the one with the problems not you guys. Even if it seems like a rough conversation to have with her just remember that keeping your kids safe will be your top priority and not her feelings. Good Luck!
    emilysmom401

    Answer by emilysmom401 at 9:04 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Sorry but her "feelings" wouldn't even enter my head. Where were her feelings when she was doing this horrible unspeakable thing to him, and why for the love of all that is good and holy is he having anything to do with her let alone toying with the idea of letting her near your children?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I wouldn't leave her alone with our dogs with that kind of history... There shouldn't even be a discussion, she shouldn't be around anyone's children, especially yours!
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:07 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I agree with others. I would be cordial but never leave them alone with her even if I were there. People who have done this will do it again if the right occassion comes along.
    I am sorry this is something on your mind because it is terrible to have to think that might could happen.
    JLynn0871

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 9:10 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Has she/does she aknowledge what she has done to your husband? If not she will just deny it and get offended. In that case I would just skirt around the subject and not leave them alone with her. If she has taken responsibility for her actions in the past, then I would just be honest with her as to why you are not comfortable with the kids being left alone with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Don't even worry about her feelings. Just tell her straight out, due to her past, that she will not be alone with the kids. If she doesn't understand why, then she's too dumb to be with them ever. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 9:56 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • i wouldn't let her near your children. you shouldn't worry about her feelings. she is a child abuser. she doesn't deserve to see your grandchildren in my opinion. im surprised your husband still talks to her after what she did to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • My DH has come to grips with what happened and has forgiven her. He is on the same page with this also we dont want them to be anywhere alone with her. Also she has not admitted anything I think in her mind it didnt happen. I will just let my DH deal with this tell him what i think and what will happen and then we can tell her. Yeah, I haven't even thought of leaving my kids with her at all and never will.
    babyfacegirl777

    Answer by babyfacegirl777 at 10:53 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • Sorry, but her feelings, no longer matter. They stopped mattering when she decided to be a pervert child molestor. I would flat out tell her, there is no f*cking way, she would be allowed with my children at all. Not even to see them. Why does dh still talk to her, that makes no sense to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Dec. 17, 2009

  • I honestly would not be worried about her feelings because something MUCH greater is at stake. Protecting her feelings will help no one. If she refuses to admit that anything happened in the past, that would be all the more reason for me to tell her exactly why she will not be alone with my children in the present. On a side note, I would also think twice about allowing your dh face her alone. It is really, REALLY difficult to face your abuser and he may need a lot more support than he thinks. (Speaking from my own personal experience.)
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 1:09 AM on Dec. 18, 2009

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