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How do I find my son from an open adoption?

Hi, I went to court in 2005 and got papers filed in court mandating an open adoption with 3 visits a year, etc. well, they up and moved immediately after and their lawyer refuses to give me the info the judge said they had to give me... i can't afford a lawyer. i don't want to intrude in their lives, heck, i lived 9 hours away before anyhow, i just want to know that he is okay and have him know where he comes from. please help!!!!


Asked by momsamillion at 10:58 AM on Jun. 25, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (8)
  • This mama will help you, she ehlped me find my adopted brother:

    Answer by MusikMama at 11:01 AM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • Write a letter to your birth child, and mail to attorney to forward to the parents.

    Answer by purplemara3 at 9:13 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • It's hard to say what to do when they are trying to hide from you. You can always look on-line in the white pages under their name and see if anything comes up. I hope you find him. Good luck.

    Answer by tazzyt19 at 12:07 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • If they are defying a court order, then you should be able to use the legal system to help you. I am NOT a lawyer, so please do not depend on this as legal advice. I think that you should write a letter to the judge. Be sure to include your case number and a copy of the order if you have it. Send a copy to the judge and to their attorney demanding your visitation.

    Other option, call legal aid to see if they know of an attorney who might be willing to take your case pro bono (free or reduced fee).

    Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • just leave them alone and let their family be, they want to be a normal family already

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Get ahold of the agency you went through when you put the child up for adoption. If it is open, you should be able to get the information. I would suggest writing a letter like one of the above mom's said. Then again, anonymous right above me feels pretty much the same way I do. I can understand to a certain degree that you will want to see or hear about the child. But unlike you, I won't accept an open adoption. The closest thing I'll allow is to see the other siblings that have been adopted. My thought is that you gave your child up for a reason, it is going to hurt and traumatize your bio baby. But you have to remember, you're not LEGALLY the child's parent any more. Your rights were terminated. It was a big question for us in our adoption classes. Even if it was signed as an open adoption, the legal parents have the right to do what they feel is best for the child.

    Answer by joelochi3 at 10:34 AM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • This is yet more proof that open adoption agreements are NOT legally binding. If anyone told you that they were, they lied. Once the adoption is finalized, your child is "as if born to" the adoptive parents and you are "as if dead to" that child -- there is no legal connection and no legal rights. The only cases where open adoptions are "recognized" are in adoptions of older children from foster care where a judge determines that further contact is "in the child's best interest" due to a pre-existing long-term relationship.

    It sounds like as with most other moms, you were promised you could "have" an open adoption to convince you to surrender your baby. You can "want" one, but it is entirely up to the decision of the adopters whether they will allow you to "have" one or not. The choice is theirs, not yours.

    Answer by Momzilla4 at 2:19 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • "My thought is that you gave your child up for a reason, it is going to hurt and traumatize your bio baby"

    Note the implied message from this a-mom commenter that you are an unfit mother who would hurt and damage your baby. Welcome to the club of being considered unfit or abusive just because you voluntarily surrendered your baby -- people assume you would have been a bad mother anyway. ":egally abandoning" a baby thru adoption (even if we did it because of pressure that if we "truly loved" our babies this is what we must do) is used against us all the time. You are considered a "hero" while pregnant and considering adoption, then will be vilified once you've surrendered. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Jul. 17, 2008