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Me and my childrens father have been through a lot to the point that we're no longer together. I've been considering us going to counseling but he doesn't want to because he feels it's moving too fast. I really think it would HELP and save us! I don't know what to do. when we was together and I asked the same, he refused and said I needed to go, not him. As I said, we're not together as of now but I really want us to work things out.

Any advice? Have you been through this before?

If it means anything, I was the one who broke up with him because I was unhappy for too long. We were together for 8 years, this april coming would make 9



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Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Dec. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I would say, go by yourself. You might get some answers as to how you can bring him around to the idea of it all. Either that, or you will find the strength to know that you will be okay if things don't work out. I have asked my husband so many times to go with me and he refuses to. I now know that in order to work on us, I have to work on me. I hope this helped, good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • My ex and I went to counseling. In fact, she was the one who told me I needed to get out. He refused to go to counseling with me for several years, he finally agreed but said I was the one who needed help. The therapist saw in two visits how controlling he was and she asked for a session alone with me where she asked what i wanted to do. She said she would try to help if I wanted to stay, but he had to WANT to change and she wasn't getting that.
    So - I left and she helped me to that end (planning things, learning how to set boundaries so I didn't get into another relationship like that, etc).
    I hope you can work it out, but as my therapist told me - he has to want it and be open to it too.

    Answer by missanc at 12:08 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • Thank You so much! I think you're right though. I would LOVE for us BOTH to go individually and together but this has to be 50/50!

    This does help, thank you again

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • missanc:

    Wow! he sounds A LOT like my ex did when we were together! It's years of feeling that neglect that we need in a relationship that made me want out on my own! I'm glad that you stuck to it! Even though I did for many months, I'm confused if I'm becoming weak, if this is REAL or if I'm just SO USED to it being ME AND HIM! I'm young and pretty much, he's the longest relationship I've had. I met him when I was 15 and I'm 23 now, he's 37 going to be 38 in Feb so idk! I don't know WHAT'S going on with him. He did purpose to me during the summer and I said No because I wanted things to be GOOD with us, WE WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER! so he's pretty much telling me now i lost my chance, until he falls back in love, i guess....i'm not sure! it's killing me

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • I have to agree with Missanc - this is exactly where I am now. All three of my counselors talked to me last week and said the same thing and asked the same questions. Why am I staying with a man that is controlling and obviously isn't will to do what it takes to work on the relationship (I see a therapist, psychiatrist and our couples counselor). He has to want to do the work too, one person can't be responsible for fixing everything.
    I'm still struggling with staying or going, I want my family to stay together as well but what is the emotional price I'm willing to pay , and the emotional price I'm putting on my children. I still haven't quite figured it out, but I'm working on me and I hope soon I'll figure out those answers.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:14 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

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