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Can money buy a woman ALL it takes to mother, IF she isn't ready yet?

Please don't take this wrong. Most of you know me & that I am in NO WAY being condescending to ANY women I have met here. You know I support adoption reform, family preservation when possible, & open adoption records.

Q: I would say that in most cases that if a pregnant woman were given a check for $250,000 the day that she discovered her unplanned pregnancy, adoption wouldn't be an option for her. She could get a house/apt, car, health insurance, groceries, diapers, day care, or stay home & parent.

I also believe that some women, even with the financial resources covered, may still lack the emotional & psychological resources (family support) to parent their child. (Not all, but some.)

What happens when a woman feels abandoned by her family? Would the teen mother's family suddenly accept her & give her the love, guidance, & emotional support that she so desires? Would a single mom of 3 hire a nanny & stay home?

Answer Question

Asked by doodlebopfan at 7:44 PM on Dec. 18, 2009 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
Answers (42)
  • I do understand that given the above scenario, the first thing that most first mothers I have met here would have bought was a PLANE TICKET far away from the adoption agency that they were involved with and could stand on their on 2 feet (or 4 if SO involved). For most, money would definitely resolved the issue in a way that they could keep their children.

    But looking at the reactions of family members to the announcement of a pregnancy, IF MONEY WERE NO OBJECT, how would it have changed things? For you, for your child? (adopted or birth)

    BTW, I know for one beloved adoptee on here, that it would have paid a huge hospital bill, and HER mother would have parented her to this day. (Hugs to you.)

    I'd like opinions and thoughts from everyone, please.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:51 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • it takes a hell of a lot out of you to have kids, if you are not ready to be selfless no amount of money matters unless you hire a live in nanny with it

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:54 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • "She could get a house/apt, car, health insurance, groceries, diapers, day care, or stay home & parent. "

    Where do you live??? That money wouldnt buy a house, insurance, groceries, diapers, etc very long at all. That is dreaming.
    If a woman thinks that she is gonna cruise by on $250,000 then she IS not bright enough to be a mom....... or she thinks that her responsiblities will be over in just a couple years.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • If a woman breastfeeds her baby that is all that it may take. The hormones can help her fall in love with her baby. You have to breastfeed so often you have to hold your baby and keep the baby warm and close to you. If you keep breastfeeding for at least two years it can help you be a more loving, less punishment oriented, mother.

    It's a process that has worked for all this time for humans.

    Answer by Gailll at 8:06 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • Maybe I am not understanding, but what person couldnt find the use for $250k to change their lives. If money was absolutely no object like you are suggesting, most women could cure their own infertility.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • if i had that much money i would never give up my child. i wouldn't give up my child in the first place unless i couldn't take care of him. i don't think that money could buy a house but she could get an apartment,diapers,clothes for her baby,and a car. we live on a small income and we have everything we need for our son. if she is not mentally,emotionally ready to have a child then she should give up her child so he or she would have a better chance at life. their are tons of couples who would love to have children but can't. most women give up their children for adoption because they don't want the responsibility.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • OK, $250're missing the point. (BTW, I didn't say PURCHASE a house, or a life-time supply of anything. I said GET her a house/apt, etc. and it would pay some rent for a few years, and if NOT where she lives she could move. The money is hypothetical. Where would it come from?)

    As one person has said, if she isn't ready, money isn't going to get her ready.

    Also, Gailll, I agree with you on attachment/bonding (Didn't breast-feed but held my child every time he was fed. Even with bottles, he's very attached and emotionally secure & I love him heaps & bounds), you make another good point. You couldn't PAY some women to breast-feed. (No offense to anyone, and not here to debate BF/FF, there's another section for that.) So while I think that money would save a vast majority of children being separated from their mothers, I believe that there are SOME children who will STILL need a home regardless of money.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:03 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • i agree. women use not having enough money or somwhere to live as an excuse to give up their child for adoption just because they dont want to have to take care of it, or there boyfriends dont want it. if you REALLY loved your baby so much and you wanted to keep it, you would find a way. nobodys gonna leave you on the streets with your newborn baby. my friend brittany had a baby, and she has no job, never has. she gets public assistance, food stamps, wic, medicade etc. & shes trying to better her life now that she has her daughter, instead of giving it to someone else and hoping they do.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:06 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • (con't) I don't believe that it's only a financial issue & that money is the end-all be-all solution. I do believe that there are many other factors in one's choosing adoption for their child. Some have done it for "safety", not wanting the child to be harmed by people who harmed them. If they can't get away from an abusive-type person, then how would money do anything but make the abuser even more controlling? Others have placed because of their youth (Many great teen moms out there, I know) and they didn't feel mature enough. Others have had rape situations where they may have placed or decided to parent. Either way, mother's choice. Others have had affairs and they stayed with their spouses while placing the child. Others (in foster care) didn't choose to place, but their children need homes regardless.

    (I don't mean to make light of ANYONE's life story here, please don't take offense, I mean no harm.)

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:11 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

  • I could very easily see how I would place my child with another family if I thought that was in his best interest. If I could not provide food, the medicine he needs to take each day to stay healthy and to breathe (and it is extensive), a home to live in, transportation, and clothes....I would do what I knew to be in his best interest. I would have to provide him with a stable environment. In fact, we have already discussed with our good friends this exact situation. If anything should happen to us or if we could not provide for our child the basics he needs, they agreed to take him in and raise him. These friends are independently wealthy and my child loves them. They are like family to us. We make sure our child spends time with them so if something were to happen (and I hope not) he would have them. I believe every parent should think about the what ifs. Nothing is for certain and I could end up poor and

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:18 PM on Dec. 18, 2009

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