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I almost ruined it because I am broken... how can I get past the past of a verbally abusive relationship?

I noticed the other night that I still get hurt pretty easily by guys that are joking with me if they are in any way putting me down. We were flirting and he was talking about me liking him, then he said something like, "how do you even know you're that lucky"... my feelings got hurt right away and I started crying. It reminded me of my ex... it made me feel worthless and really stupid. This guy felt pretty bad and kept apologizing. The next time I talked to him, he mentioned not being able to joke with me. I felt crappy because I want to flirt and I don't want to take things to heart like I did... if I keep it up, I will end up alone.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • It takes time to rebuild your self esteem and confidence. If he leaves over that then you don't need him. Just relax and know that not all men are abusive jerks.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:26 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • OP HERE - He told me that he will try too work on how he teases me... and for me to work on it too. I just can't believe that I let it get to me. I felt so bad for making him feel bad. I tried to explain it but I didn't want to come out and tell him about my life story.

    Thanks. I sure hope that I can sooner than later build myself back up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • It sounds like you aren't ready to trust him, yet, with your life's story. If you told him, he probably would understand and try to watch how he talks to you so you don't think that he is putting you down. Abuse is never easy to overcome. It takes time. I had a friend that was physically abused by an ex-husband. When she finally met Mr. Right, it took her a long time to not flinch whenever he raised his hand to lovingly touch her. When she explained why she always flinched, he loved her enough to wait for her to be ready. That man is a better police officer because he helped his wife overcome the abuse. Don't rush your healing.

    Answer by dustbunny at 5:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • I have major issues of my own to deal with, and quite frequently, my boyfriend bears the brunt of them. He's a very patient and understanding man, one who is willing to love me and put up with those issues b/c I mean so much to him. Any man worth your time will understand and be willing to work with you while you deal with your issues. I also found that my boyfriend was the only man I was ever willing to let see my issues. I had a few other casual relationships before him, but I never told them anything important about my past. I never felt comfortable enough with them. With him, I did. That was one thing that told me he was special, different, was when I wanted him to know my problems. Doesn't mean things don't get complicated, and I don't shut down on him, but it is different with him. If he doesn't make you feel like you can talk to him, he may not be the guy for you. But the guy for you DOES exist...just give it time.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:10 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • i would try to rebuild my self esteem before trying to flirt or start any relationship. you won't end up alone but if you can't move on from you ex then you won't be able to have a decent relationship. you will end up with another loser. it happened to my mom alot. try to understand that you aren't worthless and you deserve someone great. you have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. i know it's hard to get over abuse but you can and will. then you will have someone amazing who treats you like you should be treated. good luck.

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 11:50 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

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