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Longevity in a Relationship

So you've all heard "opposites attract". Well, my first husband and I were a lot alike(both a bit flighty and spontaneous). I grew up however and needed more stability. I met my second husband and he is very in control of his life and I need that. I am still a bit flighty and spontaneous, although working on it. His first wife was much like him. All about work, career, vacations to different states and sometimes different countries. What I'm getting at is, will and "opposites attract" type relationship hang on for the long run, or are the couples who are the most alike the ones who last the longest? What do you think.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Dec. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think it depends on the couple and their willingness to commit, communicate, and work on any issues that they might have.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:37 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • I don't think being opposites or having a lot in common is a good way to determine if the relationship will last. I think the longevity of the relationship depends on if the couple is willing to commit to each other, to stick it out thru the rough patches, to communicate and work at the relationship. Relationships are not like a romance novel. Some people go into them thinking it's like a book and that if it's true love, it'll just happen, everything will fall into place and work itself out. That's not life, or love. Love takes effort, and a willingness to put forth that effort. If two people love each other, and are willing to work at the relationship, they can make it work no matter what obstacles may fall into their path. Just as two people who aren't willing to do the work will never make it work, no matter how smooth the sailing may be. (Sorry for the mixing of metaphors there.)

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • My husband and I are opposites in some ways- he likes to just sit back and let life come along (not completely, he does take charge of some things such as some finances) and I like to plan and arrange. At first I was a little exasperated by his attitude, and then I realized that it would be pretty boring if he were a clone of myself, that the differences are a good thing and make life interesting. If he were just like me as far as personality, then I'd worry that I might be missing something, this way we have two points of view, two ways of looking at things. We do have lots of similar interests though, so we can have comfortable conversations and outings. Make sure that you discuss important issues before committing- children and child-rearing, handling of finances and money, treatment of extended family. For us it will be 40 years in 2010.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • Well I don't know about anyone except my own relationship. I have been married for 25 years to my perfect husband. I am a disheveled mess. I an unorganized tardy and forgetful. He is clean, neat, organized and on time everywhere. Where he is focused I am not, where he sees abstract I see clear. He is a wonderful person who is my best friend. I am so sure I drive him insane. When he apologizes for being stressed out I am like what? I know him inside and out, up and down. The funniest part about it all is he is the oldest of six kids and I am the youngest of nine. Where he saw a chaotic life I see comfort.
    We are a pair that balance each other out. Without him my life would be a mess. So for us opposites do attract. He is my wonderful half. I hope you can have a sense of humor in all of life's differences and appreciate them. If you can then everything will be fine.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:48 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • It depends on the specific traits in question. Two homebodies or two partiers works better than a homebody and a partier, because they can be home or out together, instead of one home and one out. But an extrovert and an introvert work well together because the extrovert can have the stage without competition, and maybe help draw out the introvert a bit. There are myriad examples, of which these are just two, but I'm sure you get the point.

    As long as you're alike where it counts in the big ways (like how you want to raise your children), the rest of it doesn't really matter, you can work it out.

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 9:59 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • It honestly varies from relationship to relationship. I've been with guys who are my polar opposites and guys who are a lot like me. My husband and I, though we are very much different still have a bit in common. We work really well together, because where I lack he gains and visa versa. It has a lot more to do with how different/alike you are. Like if you have no communcation, no comprimise, no understanding, for example, it won't work out either way.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:11 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • We are total opposites in so many ways but that is what makes it interesting. I think it will make for longevity but for us time will tell. We had some serious emotional roller coaster crap going on in the beginning but we seem to have settled into accepting the other as is now. lol, after 3 1/2 yrs it's about time!

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:12 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • My husband and I are very much alike. We both are highly organized and go getters. We have common goals and values as well. My sister and her soon to be ex are total opposites. She is very flighty and so lazy. He is a very responsible and loves to stay busy. I was very glad when he got full custody of the kids since she can barely remember to take care of herself. They were so different they really didn't have anything in common that helped hold them together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • anon :30 here. I wanted to add we have been married for nearly 20 years.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2009

  • My husband and I are opposites in our personalities but we have very similar interests.  It works for us because what one lacks, the other makes up for.  I tell him that I have my head in the clouds and he has his feet on the ground lol.   We've been very happily married for 21 years.


    Answer by beeky at 12:35 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

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