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in law problems what would you do?

ok this maybe kinda long, the part i can shorten is hubby and i got married 3 weeks after meeting each other and have now been married for 5 and a half months, he has two kids (two moms) and i have two kids (one dad) anyhow we have full custody of my two and his oldest and we are fighting for his youngest now, that will come in in a second, anyhow, for starters his parents are not getting anything for my girls for christmas! they got my stepson a season pass to busch gardens and gave it to my sil so she can take him wtf?? we want to be the first one to take him whereas hes never been. Second we have major problems with my step daughters mom we havent seen my step daughter since oct!! last week my sil had my step daughter for 3 days then the 2 days after that my mil had her the only reason they told us they had her was because mil was picking her up then picking up my stepson, so we would have SEEN she had her, (continued)

 
mommie2twogirls

Asked by mommie2twogirls at 2:59 AM on Dec. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think that I would try to be patient. They may feel that he jumped into marriage much too quickly and that you two don't know each other well enough to be married yet. That could be hard for his parents to accept. It may take time for them to come around. One serious problem I see however, is that they shouldn't take their feelings out on your children by excluding them. As for visitation of your stepchildren, your husband needs to fight for that in court, I would try not to involve his parents in those issues. In the meantime, I would try to show them that you two love each other and are committed to making a life together for each other and your children. Hopefully with time they will come around.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:20 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • i asked if we could have her the saturday night and sunday they had her, we were told no because "when we have her we never bring her to see them" well when we have her nine times out of ten its for less then 24 and we go to church and then we spend time together sorry they live 45-60 minutes away, we dont want to spend what little time we have with her in the damn car, when we have her for more then 24 hours we invite them down to see her or we try to get up there, but when we have her for more then 24 hours it tends to be during the week, my kids have school all day and then we have a routine in our house that if its not followed ugh the kids are a nightmare!! they get home from school at 4 we do home work from 4-5 we eat dinner between 5-530 then its bathtime, 30 minutes of tv time, 30 minutes of reading time and all three kids are in bed by 8 because they have to be up at 6 to get ready for school! when do you (continued)
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 3:04 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • want me to bring her up? its easier for them to come here. i know part of their problem is that b4 me he was living with his parents and paying ALL of their bills his family has even tried telling him im just after his money, what money he has no savings, he doesnt own anything, he doesnt even have a car! Its my car, he makes good money but it pays the bills! my family has totally excepted him and his kids in to the family because they see we are happy and the kids are happy, thats what they care about. My EX IN LAWS have excepted him and his kids in to the family my ex mother in law does not take my girls with out my stepson unless hes not home or doesnt want to go my parents and my EX in laws bought for his kids equally as they did for my girls. i dont know what to do to fix this and make things better, i dont want to have to have this be a family war ya know? what do i do (sorry so long lol)
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 3:14 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • Agree w/ pp & talk to them, sit them down in a non confruntational manner & talk about your concerns about the kids. If you have issues w/ them yourself save them for another time. You're gonna have to prove to these ppl that you're gonna be around & that you're worth getting to know but in the mean time there are kids involved so they need to grow up & stop acting like your kids don't exist. Explain to them that you're concerned the way they are treating them will affect their relationship w/ your girls later on.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:11 AM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • to ohwrite, yes i agree they should not be invovled on custody issues and we are fighting it in court, however i dont feel they should be withholding his daughter from him when they do have her, even more so when their reason is we dont bring her to see them when we have her umm hello we never have her! last night they had a birthday party for his niece and didnt bother inviting us
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:47 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • I didn't mean to upset you, I understand how you feel, & for your husband not to be able to see his child when his own parents have them has to be difficult. I guess what I'm trying to say, & I'm not always good at this myself, is try to step back & deal with 1 thing at a time with your in laws. Especially if you would like to eventually have a good relationship. Your husband fell in love with you immediately, the same happened for my husband & me. The problem is that your in laws didn't. They feel protective of their son & grandchildren, as you will of your kids, & may be questioning his decision in getting married so quickly. They may be upset with him, they may feel the decision to marry quickly when you both have children was irresponsible. I don't know how they're feeling, but as a parent I'm sure I'd be concerned. They may also be afraid that the ex wife won't let them see the child if they take her to see you guys.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:45 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • Anyway, I really didn't mean to offend you. Building relationships can take time, you are so lucky that your own family & in laws have accepted things. Maybe if you can have his family over with your family occasionally so that they can see what kind of family you have, & how accepting they are it would help them. I don't know what kind of people your in laws are, I was divorced & had a child when I met my husband. My father in law accepted both me & my son with open arms, my MIL never has, & like you I feel that he is innocent. My husband & I met when my oldest was 4 & have 2 children together, they are the only grandchildren for my in laws, & my MIL will have nothing to do with them to this day. They're 18 & 20. His parents may never change-they may be totally wrong. I just know that it's always worth trying to see things from their side. You have nothing to lose. Best wishes & enjoy your first holiday together.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:55 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • ohwrite, sorry if it sounded like i was offended lol i really wasnt i promise, i was just saying yes we are fighting in court over the custody issues which btw since i posted this have gotten worse ugh long story but thank you for your reply, i wasnt offended in the least bit
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:10 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

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